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The Tear Box

The Tear Box

Written by Admin on . Posted in Depression, Healing, Inner Child Work, Mental Wellness, Relationships, Self-Love, Trauma. No Comments on The Tear Box

Written by Sheila Startup, Author of The Tear Box

It was 1976. I was a 10-year-old girl heading to her first day of school after
having moved from Illinois to Pennsylvania. I was experiencing what I now know
as my first panic attack. I was so anxious that day that I became sick and was
sent home. Long before it was something society talked about, anxiety had
grabbed my stomach and my mind. I knew the pains that big feelings could
cause children. At that time no one was using the words anxiety or panic attack,
certainly not to explain childhood’s complicated emotions. There was no
discussion of feelings, just chin up. Walk it off. Get back out there. And I did. I
tightened my belt and soldiered on. Anxiety and unease came back off and on
throughout middle and high school, but when I moved out on my own, the panic
arrived with greater consistency. I tried medications but nothing helped. I just
kept stuffing my emotions deeper down inside me. When my daughter was born,
I knew that I had to deal with this. I took a sabbatical from teaching and wrote this
book. At the time, I was seeing a social worker, and The Tear Box was born out
of a session led by her. The ideas in the book flowed from me all at once that
day. The Tear Box tells the story of the trials of a little girl. She is bullied on the
playground. Her goldfish dies. Each time something emotional happens, she
cries into a box that her grandmother gave her. However, the box grows bigger
and bigger, taking over her bedroom. While being a literal holder of emotions,
the box also serves as a metaphor for what happens when these emotions go
unattended. It is my hope that the book will encourage kids to explore and
understand their emotions. I like the phrase “let them be.”

In addition to seeing a social worker, I had a wonderful mentor at work. She
gave me books by Buddhist teacher, Pema Chodron and mindfulness
practitioners, Jon Kabat-Zinn and Jack Kornfield. I began meditating and letting
my emotions hang out with me. I attribute my meditation practice to helping me
allow my anxiety to become a part of me and not something I am ashamed of or
want to hide. I welcome all my feelings to the party! I try not to label them as
good or bad, but as just feelings and emotions. When I am able to do that, I
notice that the more uncomfortable emotions often dissolve.

As a high school teacher, I am aware of the anxiety epidemic. I see it in my
students, as well as my colleagues. Rates of depression and anxiety have risen
sharply. If we can help children understand that their emotions are just a part of
who they are, and neither good nor bad, then we may be able to get ahead of
this epidemic. Teens and adults alike are so quick to replace so-called bad
emotions with a quick fix from social media or other coping devices, yet the
emotion is still there, humming in the background. It is my hope, that having
tools and conversation starters, such as The Tear Box, will abate some of what
we are seeing.

I still feel anxiety, as well as worry, joy, sadness, peacefulness, and many other
emotions at any given time. But I embrace them all! They will always be a part
of who I am- a sensitive human being making her way through this one precious
life. If I can help another to understand this truth, then The Tear Box has done
its job.

Perhaps 13 th century poet and Sufi mystic Jalaluddin Rumi said it best with his
poem The Guest House:

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

Mommy's House

Parenting Children of Divorce: The Highs and Lows

Written by Admin on . Posted in Parenting, Relationships. No Comments on Parenting Children of Divorce: The Highs and Lows

Written By Chloe Mason, Author of Mommy’s House

Parenting is a complex and demanding task in any circumstance, but the challenges and
dynamics shift dramatically when divorce enters the equation. While divorce can bring relief
from a marital relationship that is no longer working, it often introduces a new set of hurdles in
raising children. Despite the difficulties, there are also unique rewards and growth opportunities
for both parents and children in this new family structure. Here I explore the nuances of
parenting children of divorce, providing insights into this journey’s emotional, psychological,
and practical aspects. Remember, as each family dynamic and person is different, there isn’t a
one size fits all template.

The Lows: Navigating the Challenges

1. Emotional Turmoil and Unpredictability
One of the most significant challenges of parenting children of divorce is managing their
emotional reactions. Children, as we know, often experience a range of intense emotions.
These feelings can manifest in behavioral changes, academic struggles, and difficulties in
social interactions. Younger children often don’t understand their own emotions yet which can
lead to more behavioral issues than young adolescents. Us parents must be responsive to
these emotional needs and provide consistent support, which can be exhausting and stressful.

2. Communication Barriers
Divorced parents frequently face communication barriers, not only with their children but also
with each other. Healthy co-parenting requires clear, respectful, and persistent communication
about the children’s needs and schedules. However, this isn’t always possible, leading to
misunderstandings and disagreements that can negatively impact the children.

3. Financial Woes
Divorce often comes with financial challenges as households split and resources are divided.
The added expenses of maintaining two homes, legal fees, and child support can strain
budgets. Financial stress can limit opportunities for the children, like summer camps, sports,
vacations, and other experiences that enrich our kid’s lives. Especially with rising inflation,
parents may also have to work more hours or take on additional jobs, causing reduced time
spent with the time with our children.

5. Guilt and Blame
I often struggled with feelings of guilt and blame regarding my divorce and the impact it had on
my son. I worried about the long-term psychological effects and questioned whether I was
making the right decisions. Children, too, may internalize blame, believing they are somehow
responsible for the family breakdown. Reassurance can ease these feelings.

The Highs: Believe it or not, there are Silver Linings

1. Strengthened Parent-Child Bonds
Divorce can, ironically, lead to stronger bonds with our children. In the face of adversity, many
families can pull together and develop a deeper appreciation for one another. We often become
more intentional about spending quality time with our children, fostering closer relationships
and more consistent and open communication.

2. Personal Growth and Resilience
Children of divorce often develop greater resilience and adaptability. Navigating the
complexities of their new family dynamics teaches our children valuable life skills, such as
problem-solving, empathy, and emotional intelligence. These experiences can make them more
mature and capable of handling future challenges life will inevitably bring.

3. Improved Parental Well-Being
For many parents, divorce marks the end of a stressful and unhappy relationship. This change
can lead to improved mental health and well-being, allowing them to be more present and
positive in our children’s lives. The more we show up for ourselves, the more we can show up
for our children, resulting in intentional emotional support and guidance.

4. Opportunities for New Traditions
Divorce encourages families to rethink and recreate traditions and routines. This can be an
opportunity to establish new rituals that are meaningful and unique to the new family structure.
Whether it’s celebrating holidays differently or finding new ways to connect during weekends,
these new traditions can bring joy and stability to our children.

5. Exposure to Healthy Relationships
Children witnessing their parents navigate divorce can learn essential lessons about healthy
relationships. Seeing their parents prioritize their own well-being and make difficult but
necessary decisions can teach children about the importance of self-respect, boundaries, and
emotional health. If parents eventually enter new, healthier relationships, it is a golden
opportunity to provide positive role models for the children.

Strategies for Successful Parenting Post-Divorce

1. Prioritize Open Communication
Maintaining open lines of communication with both the children and your ex-partner is crucial. I
can’t stress that enough. Regularly check in with the children about their feelings and
experiences. Ensuring that discussions with the ex-partner remain focused on the children’s
needs and well-being while setting aside personal grievances is imperative.

2. Consistency and Stability
Provide as much consistency and stability as you are able. This means maintaining regular
routines, rules, and expectations across both households. Ex-partners don’t always see eye on
rules and expectations. In this case, it’s best to focus on what you can control in your
household. Consistency will help your child feel secure and reduce the stress associated with
living between homes.

3. Seek Professional Support
Professional support, such as therapy or counseling, can be invaluable tools for both parents
and children. An impartial third party provide a perspective us parents may not always see. Counselors and Therapists can provide tools for managing emotions, improving communication, and addressing any underlying issues that stem from the divorce.

5. Focus on Self-Care
As parents, we have to prioritize our own mental and physical health. By modeling self-care
and emotional regulation, we can better support our children through the challenges of divorce.
Practicing meditation, exercising, hobbies, spending time with friends and family, and
professional help can all contribute to a parent’s well-being.

There is no rule book for parenting children of divorce, unfortunately. The emotional, logistical,
and financial challenges can be daunting, but you can get through it! With resilience, empathy,
and a commitment to the well-being of your children, you can navigate this difficult chapter and
even find opportunities for growth and connection. Keep focusing on open communication,
stability, seeking professional support as you need, and self-care. Believe it or not, families can
emerge from divorce stronger and more unified, providing a solid foundation for their children’s
future.

Fear Associated with Psychedelics

Written by Admin on . Posted in Depression, Healing, Inner Child Work, Mental Wellness, Psychedelics, Trauma. No Comments on Fear Associated with Psychedelics

Getting beyond the fear of trying a psychedelic for the first time

If you’re new to psilocybin, it’s understandable to have some apprehension about having a challenging experience

Written By Jennifer Chesak, Author of The Psilocybin Handbook for Women

I’m coming up on my two-year anniversary of when I first tried psychedelics, specifically psilocybin. The anniversary has me reflecting on fear of the unknown. Many people ask me how I got over the apprehension that often comes with trying psychedelics for the first time. So I thought I’d share.

In the first chapter of The Psilocybin Handbook for Women, I detail my first psilocybin experience. And the introduction shares a little about my background. As a science and medical journalist, I specialize in writing about the health of people assigned female at birth. In the years leading up to landing my book deal, I had also written about the newer research coming out about psychedelics. So it made sense for me to merge the two topics into a book. But the big issue was that, although I had researched psychedelics at length and had been around others using psychedelics quite a bit, I had never had my own experience. I knew I couldn’t write a book on psilocybin without trying it though, and I wanted to try it, but I admit I was nervous.

I was worried about several things, but perhaps one of my biggest fears was having a negative experience that I’d have to ride out. This is the fear other people most often express to me when they’re hesitant. So that’s what I’ll focus on in this article.

We often fear the things we don’t know enough about or can’t control. One of the things that helped me overcome my fear of trying psychedelics was to read as much as possible about the psilocybin experience. It’s different for everyone, but some commonalities exist as to what’s going on in the brain and body. Chapter three of my book dives into the details of this, and if psilocybin is something you’re considering, I hope you’ll give it a read. Learning about the neurobiology really helped me prepare for my journey. Preparation is crucial.

We can’t control a psilocybin experience. It’s often said that you don’t get the trip you want, you get the one you need. That’s because the mushroom works with what’s already in your mind. What you can control is your set and setting and your reactions in the moment, however. Set is your mindset going into a trip. Setting is where you are, what’s around you, and whom you’re with. And your reactions have to do with your ability to emotionally regulate when needed.

Let’s focus on setting first. Choose a setting that is comfortable to you, one that is peaceful and will help you get the most out of your journey. I have nothing against people using psilocybin recreationally, but if your aim is for having a therapeutic experience, choosing a festival or other highly stimulating environment may not be conducive to that. Be mindful of who is around you. I opted to have a personalized retreat experience rather than going on a retreat with many participants. I did not want other people’s experiences to interfere with my own.

Now let’s think about set. Again, this is your mindset going into a journey. Some people have specific things they hope to focus on during a psilocybin experience. And that’s fine. But research shows that setting the intention to be open to the experience and to avoid resisting it offers some protection against having a challenging trip. Note that I used the word “challenging” rather than “bad.” Challenging things may come up for you. However, research shows that even when people note having had a challenging time on a psychedelic, they often rank the experience as one of the top 10 most profound of their lives.

Keep in mind that past traumas, or current life difficulties, might rear their heads. If you read chapter three of my book, you’ll learn about the mechanisms in the brain that help us view trauma differently when on a psychedelic. In a nutshell, the usual triggers and fear we associate with our traumas tend to be absent while in this altered state. This can allow you to see trauma differently and reprocess it for healing. After a psychedelic experience, integration is crucial. This is the process of analyzing and learning from your journey, and it furthers the reprocessing of any difficult topics.

When trauma initially comes up during a psilocybin session, you may have the instinct to resist it, which can generate some anxiety. Part of letting the mushroom take you where it’s going to take you, even if you don’t want to go there, involves tapping back into your parasympathetic nervous system. We have two main branches of the autonomic nervous system: sympathetic and parasympathetic. The sympathetic nervous system is your “fight-flight-freeze” response. And the parasympathetic nervous system is your “rest-digest” response. These two systems work somewhat in opposition to each other, meaning that if you’re in fight-or-flight mode, you are not calm.

At first, if trauma comes up for you during a journey, you may feel your sympathetic nervous system fire up, with increased heart rate, breath rate, temperature, etc. If you can tap back into your parasympathetic nervous system, you can often get the sympathetic nervous system to chill out. A trick that usually works for me in any anxiety-provoking situation is box breathing. Inhale for a count of four, hold for a count of four, exhale for a count of four, and hold for a count of four before repeating the process. Breathe, and remember that you are OK and that the mushroom is there to help you.

I encountered a challenging section during my journey. When it first came up, I felt anxious, but reminded myself not to resist it. The anxiety quickly subsided, and I was able to focus on and reprocess some tough topics without fear. Then on the other side of the challenging section, I felt a beautiful sense of peace and euphoria. And I can honestly rate my experience as one of the top 10 most profound of my life.

Rising Temps & Rising Crime

Written by Admin on . Posted in Prosecutor POV, Trauma. No Comments on Rising Temps & Rising Crime

Written By Kathryn Marsh, Prosecutor’s POV

Summertime is here, and many of us look forward to longer days, time with friends and
vacations. However, as the temperatures rise over the summer months so do the crime
rates.

A 2014 report from the Department of Justice (DOJ) found sexual assaults, intimate partner
violence, homicides and other violent crimes, generally occur at higher rates during the
summer months when compared to other seasons. While The DOJ report found that many
crimes only increased by a few percentage points, intimate partner violence/domestic
violence increased by nearly 12% during the summer when compared to winter months.
Another study by the University of Southern California found that violent crime
increased by approximately 5.7% when temperatures were above 85 degrees.
A 2016 study published in the American Journal of Public Health examined mass
shootings between 2013 and 2015 and found that mass shootings also increased during
the summer months. Specifically highest rates of mass shootings occurred between
May and September. 

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that there are approximately 20
additional gun homicides of teens and kids during each summer month than any other
time during the year.

But it’s not just violent crime that increases during this time. There is an estimated
increase in home burglaries of 10.5% during the summer, while Memorial Day weekend
and the 4 th of July weekend are known as the deadliest weekends for driving under the
influence (DUI) of alcohol accidents.

While everyone may easily understand the increase in DUI accidents over the summer
holiday weekends, why is does the summer experience an increase in all other crimes?
According to several studies, the reason for the increase may be quite simple. As
temperatures rise, many people become uncomfortable as they overheat. This
discomfort can reduce a person’s patience while increasing aggression leading to
increased criminal activity.

A 2010 study of violence published in the journal “Weather, Climate and Society,” found
that hotter temperatures correlated to higher amounts of aggressive crime, especially
domestic violence and non-aggravated assaults.

Additionally, some researchers believe that longer daylight hours contribute to
increased crime rates. Longer daylight hours encourage people to stay outside and
away from their homes for longer periods of time. Longer days increase the amount of
time people interact with one another, such as BBQs, pool parties, beach time and
more. The more people interact with one another the more opportunity for crime.

Vacations also contribute to increased crime. Burglaries are often a crime of
opportunity. When homes are empty for summer vacations, the opportunity for
burglaries increases. When people are on vacations there is often an increase in
alcohol consumption and inebriation, which may contribute to an increase in crime.
School summer breaks also contribute to the increase in crime. When preteens and
teenagers are out of school, without other activities, they have a lot more freedom. This
freedom can include hanging out with friends, large gatherings, and increased criminal
activity.

So, what can we do? Before you pack up for a vacation, make sure your home is
secure. Have family, friends or neighbors check in on your home. Make sure there are
no obvious signs of an empty home.

Talk to the preteens and teens in your life. If summer camps and jobs aren’t an option,
make sure they understand the risks of large teen gatherings and the increase in teen
crime over the summer. If teens know what to expect, or what to avoid, they are better
armed to make the safe choices.

Stay cool. With temperatures rising every year there are a little things we can all do to
help make the rising temperatures more comfortable for ourselves and neighbors. The
U.S. Environmental Protection Agency reports shaded areas can be between 20 and 45
degrees cooler than unshaded areas. By planting shade plants around your home, you
can keep your yard and home cooler during the summer months.

Work with your local communities to increase the number of public shaded areas. Public
shade areas can include gazebos, awnings and urban tree canopies. Check out the
Arbor Day Foundation for ideas on urban tree canopies and the Social Life Project
highlights several other ways communities can work together to increase shade and
reduce temperatures. If summer gatherings can include increased shade, it can help
decrease tempers and aggression.

Psychedelics to heal sexual assault-related PTSD

How therapeutic use of psilocybin may be a tool to recover from sexual assault-related PTSD

Written by Admin on . Posted in Abuse, Depression, Gen-Z Perspective, Healing, Mental Wellness, Psychedelics, Relationships, Sexual Harassment, Trauma. No Comments on How therapeutic use of psilocybin may be a tool to recover from sexual assault-related PTSD

Sexual assault and PTSD disproportionally affect women, and we need better
treatments

Written by Jennifer Chesak, Author of “The Psilocybin Handbook for Women“

Post-traumatic stress disorder can affect any person of any gender. In fact, it affects
about 6% of people during their lifetime. But as the author of The Psilocybin Handbook
for Women and an advocate for improved healthcare for women and gender nonbinary
folks, I want to point out that those assigned female at birth are two to three times more
likely to develop the condition. That’s according to research published in 2017 by the
European Journal of Psychotraumatology. The prevalence for women is 10%.


One reason for the high prevalence in women might be the high rates of sexual assault
among those assigned female at birth. The events most associated with PTSD in
women are sexual assault and childhood sexual abuse, according to older research
published in the journal American Family Physician. A meta-analysis, published in
Trauma, Violence, and Abuse in 2023 found that of more than 2,000 survivors of sexual
assault nearly 75% met the criteria for a PTSD diagnosis within the first month after the
assault. The therapeutic use of psilocybin may be able to help. I explain after unpacking
a bit about sexual assault and PTSD.

Looking at the statistics, half of women and one third of men in the United States will
experience some type of sexual violence in their lifetime, according to the Centers for
Disease Control and Prevention. The Trevor Project reports that nearly half of
transgender women, men, and nonbinary people who participated in a recent survey
reported experiences of sexual assault. Again, sexual assault happens to all genders.
And although it disproportionately affects women, we know that sexual assault is also
likely under reported in everyone. The bottom line is that it can lead to PTSD.


PTSD is a serious mental health condition that can occur in people who have directly
experienced or witnessed a traumatic event. According to the National Institutes of
Mental Health, for a diagnosis, symptoms must last longer than a month. Symptoms
include reexperiencing (such as having flashbacks), avoidance (such as avoiding
thinking about the traumatic event), reactivity (such as being on edge), and cognition
and mood issues (such as difficulty remembering the event).

PTSD is a chronic condition that can be hard to treat. Only about one-third of patients
recover within a year, according to research published in the journal Cureus in 2022,
and one-third remain symptomatic a decade after the trauma exposure. More than that,
estimates show that up to half of people with PTSD who seek treatment do not have an
adequate response to conventional treatments.

Although more research is needed, researchers report that traumatic stress may impact
those assigned female at birth differently than those assigned male at birth. While males

may have a more “physiological hyperarousal system,” females may have a more
sensitized hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, at least according to animal
models. This information was reported in the European Journal of Psychotraumatology.
The HPA axis is concerned with how we respond to stress. For example, when faced
with a threat, our senses—often sight and sound—send a message to our brain’s
amygdala. The amygdala sends a message to the hypothalamus, also in the brain. The
hypothalamus then jolts our sympathetic nervous system into action, causing the
release of stress hormones to help meet the demands of the threat. Thus, we
experience our fight-flight-freeze response.

But not every threat we experience is an actual threat. Think about those times when
you see your coat rack out of the corner of your eye and think, just for a second, that it’s
a person who’s broken into your place. In response to a threat, the amygdala is prone to
acting quickly to flood your system with adrenaline if needed. But thankfully we also
have our more rational frontal lobes located in the cerebral cortex. The frontal lobes
assess the threat. If it’s not really a threat—as in “Hey, it’s just a coat rack”—you can
quickly calm yourself down.

The clincher is that we also store our fear in the amygdala, and therefore when we
experience triggers, something that reminds us of a past threat, such as sexual assault,
we can experience what’s called “amygdala hijack.” During an amygdala hijack, your
frontal lobes don’t get a chance to assess the threat; the amygdala puts fight-flight-
freeze into motion no matter what. Amygdala hijack is common in PTSD, which is
characterized by amygdala hyperactivity. Therefore, even threats that aren’t really
threats can activate our stress response, leading us to have an outsized emotional
reaction to something minor that’s not really a threat. For example, if you were sexually
assaulted, you might feel absolute panic if someone accidentally brushes against your
arm. Your triggers will be different from the next person’s.

Talk therapy is one tool we can use to navigate trauma and try to retrain our brains to
better assess threats. But one issue with talk therapy alone is that any thoughts of the
original trauma, of the sexual assault or otherwise, can trigger the fight-flight-freeze
response, impeding progress. Talk therapy does work for some people, but certainly not
all.

So here’s where I discuss the potential of magic mushrooms. Psilocybin downregulates
our response to fearful stimuli, decreases that hyperactivity. In therapy then, note the
authors of the study published in Cureus, possibly people with PTSD are more able to
process trauma without having a trauma response.

In a previous installment of my column for Authentic Insider Magazine, I wrote about a
concept called the “helioscope effect,” a term coined by researcher Gregor Hasler, MD.
A helioscope is an instrument scientists use to safely look at the sun. Well, when we’re
on a psychedelic, we view trauma through a safe lens as well, often seeing it with more

detail but without the overwhelming triggers. This can allow us to reprocess our trauma
and reduce the psychological effects of it.

At the same time, psilocybin may boost mood, helping to reduce negative thoughts,
note the authors of the Cureus article. Additionally, the researchers discuss the default
mode network. The DMN is a network of brain regions that work together to form our
sense of self or identity, autobiographical memories, and more. An underactive DMN,
the researchers say, is linked to the avoidance symptom that is characteristic of PTSD.
Psilocybin temporarily alters DMN connectivity, which may have beneficial effects for
PTSD.

I do hope that research progresses on how therapeutic use of psilocybin, under
supervision of a mental health professional, and therapy afterward, may be able to help
people with PTSD, because an overwhelming number of people are dealing with the
condition—many of them women—often stemming from sexual assault.

PTSD, Domestic Violence, Intimate Partner Violence

PTSD and the Link to Domestic Violence

Written by Admin on . Posted in Abuse, Depression, Healing, Mental Wellness, Relationships, Self-Love, Sexual Harassment, Trauma. No Comments on PTSD and the Link to Domestic Violence

Written by Kathryn Marsh, Prosecutor’s POV

“People think of battered women as unable to think for themselves, unable to do this,
not able to do that. In reality, they’re the most resourceful, resilient, kind, compassionate
people I think I’ve ever come across.” Kathy Jones 1


June is PTSD Awareness Month. Approximately 7% of people will develop PTSD in
their lifetime, 2 and approximately 12 million people are living with PTSD in the United
States. 3 It is important that we take time to understand the symptoms and support
individuals diagnosed with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, especially those whose
diagnosis is directly linked to the domestic violence they have suffered.
So, what is PTSD? PTSD is a mental health diagnosis that individuals can develop
after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic or life-threatening event. PTSD symptoms
can vary from person to person, however four main symptoms of PTSD involve:
Experiencing unwanted memories (nightmares or flashbacks); Avoidance (avoiding
reminders or triggers; avoiding crowds, avoiding former activities; detachment or
estrangement from others; or simply staying busy); Negative thoughts and feelings
(feeling guilt or shame, feeling that everything is dangerous; not being able to trust
others); and Feeling on Edge (Persistent fear; trouble sleeping, jittery, quick to anger). 4
While these are four main symptoms I encourage everyone to use the resources below
or articles linked in the endnotes to learn more.


There is a proven and established link between PTSD and domestic violence, and it’s
not a link for the abuser, but rather the victim. Domestic violence may include physical
abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, as well as verbal or psychological abuse.
Domestic violence may occur once or repeatedly over a significant period of time and
may be the traumatic or triggering event for PTSD. Victims of domestic violence may
experience an increased likelihood of developing PTSD if they sustain physical injury,
lack of a support system, or have a history or mental illness or addiction. 5 Studies in the
UK found that two thirds of domestic violence survivors experience PTSD. 6 And in the
US research has shown that between 31%-84% of domestic violence survivors will
develop PTSD. 7 But domestic violence trauma doesn’t just impact the intimate partner.
Children who witness domestic violence also experience trauma. 13% of youth who
were exposed to intimate partner violence in the home meet the diagnostic criteria for
PTSD. 8


There should be no shame or guilt for being diagnosed with PTSD. PTSD is a direct
result of the trauma inflicted on, or witnessed by, the individual. In cases of domestic
violence, PTSD is just as much of an injury as a broken bone or scar. In fact, courts
have recognized the psychological injury of a domestic violence victim when calculating
sentencing guidelines for the abuser.


One of the most important steps a victim of domestic violence or child witness of
domestic violence can do is develop a support system. This includes an emotional
support system which may be family, friends, counselors or a domestic violence shelter

or program. While it is easy to write, establish a support system, victims of domestic
violence who have PTSD may struggle with the concept of trusting others or accepting
help. “I know that the world is not my abuser. It’s a much kinder, more open place. But
it’s a paralyzing conflict. I adore people, but I find myself feeling more and more like an
outsider, which causes feelings of anxiety and self-consciousness.” Melanie 9 . Melanie’s
quote highlights why it is even more important for those who care for victims of domestic
violence to understand the symptoms of PTSD and be patient with survivors on their
healing journey.


In the past couple of weeks many have viewed the video of Sean “Diddy” Combs
abusing Cassandra “Cassie” Ventura in 2016. At the time of the abuse Combs was
quick to deny the violence, and many supported Combs in the immediate aftermath of
Cassie’s report. With the video coming to light Cassie has acknowledged the impact
domestic violence has had on her life – breaking her down to someone she never
thought she would be, while also acknowledging that she will always be recovering from
the abuse. 10


As we recognize June as PTSD Awareness Month. I urge everyone to follow the words
of Cassie when it comes to survivors of domestic violence. “My only ask is that
EVERYONE open your heart to believing victims the first time. It takes a lot of heart to
tell the truth out of a situation that you were powerless in. I offer my hand to those that
are still living in fear. Reach out to your people, don’t cut them off. No one should carry
this weight alone. This healing journey is never ending, but this support means
everything to me.” 11

PTSD Resources for Survivors and Friends and Family
National Center for PTSD: https://www.ptsd.va.gov/publications/subscribe.asp
Understanding PTSD: A Guide for Family and Friends –
https://www.ptsd.va.gov/publications/print/understandingptsd_family_booklet.pdf
PTSD Family Coach App – https://www.ptsd.va.gov/appvid/mobile/familycoach_app.asp
Primary Care PTSD Screen (This is a preliminary at home screening tool only and not a
diagnosis) – https://www.ptsd.va.gov/screen/
PTSD Coach online – https://www.ptsd.va.gov/apps/ptsdcoachonline/default.htm
Resources:
National Center for PTSD: https://www.ptsd.va.gov/publications/subscribe.asp
Understanding PTSD: A Guide for Family and Friends –
https://www.ptsd.va.gov/publications/print/understandingptsd_family_booklet.pdf
PTSD Family Coach App – https://www.ptsd.va.gov/appvid/mobile/familycoach_app.aspPrimary Care PTSD Screen (This is a preliminary at home screening tool only and not a
diagnosis) – https://www.ptsd.va.gov/screen/
PTSD Coach online – https://www.ptsd.va.gov/apps/ptsdcoachonline/default.htm

1 Thompson, Zahara “What it’s Like to Live With PTSD After Escaping Domestic Violence” SELF, April 19, 2018
https://www.self.com/story/ptsd-domestic-violence
2 Source: Kreesler, R.C. Sonnega, A., Bromet, E., Hughes, M., & Nelson, C.B. (1995). Posttraumatic stress disorder in
the national comorbidity survey. Archives of General Psychiatry, 52(12), 1048-1060
3 Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD); Anxiety & Depression Association of America.
https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/posttraumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd
4 National Center for PTSD, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder: Overview, Treatment and Resources, Veterans Health
Administration PPT January 2022
5 The Connection Between Domestic Violence and PTSD, Beaufort Memorial Hospital, November 2021,
https://www.bmhsc.org/blog/the-connection-between-domestic-violence-and-ptsd
6 Causes of PTSD: Domestic Violence, PTSDUK, https://www.ptsduk.org/what-is-ptsd/causes-of-ptsd/domestic-
abuse/
7 Linking PTSD and Domestic Violence; Connections for Abused Women and Their Children; March 8, 2023.
https://www.cawc.org/news/linking-ptsd-and-domestic-violence/
8 Causes of PTSD: Domestic Violence, PTSDUK
9 Thompson, Zahara
10 Rountree, Cheyenne and Dillon, Nancy “Cassie Breaks Silence After Sean Combs Attack Video: ‘Believe Victims
the First Time’ Rolling Stone, May 23, 2024 https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/cassie-breaks-
silence-sean-combs-hotel-attack-video-1235023671/
11 Id.

Apologizing to Kids

Repairing when you blew it – apologizing to your kids, why it’s important, how it supports and encourages healing.

Written by Admin on . Posted in Abuse, Healing, Inner Child Work, Mental Wellness, Parenting, Relationships, Self-Love. No Comments on Repairing when you blew it – apologizing to your kids, why it’s important, how it supports and encourages healing.

Written by Tina Hamilton, The Healing Parent

Would you apologize to your children if you messed up? 

Years ago, I would have said no. I was of the mind that to apologize to a child would mean that they would begin to question my authority. 

Besides, I don’t remember adults ever apologizing to me when I was a child.

Consider for a moment, however, what it would feel like to have received an apology from a parent–for a parent to have said, “I was out of line and said some hurtful things. You don’t deserve that, and I am so sorry.”

As a parent of young children (or even teenagers), there are going to be moments when you don’t show up as your best self. Moments when the frustration and anger get the better of you, and you snap, perhaps saying something you don’t mean or being overly aggressive. 

After these moments–or even during them–you may have an overwhelming sense of guilt. You may have thoughts such as:

“I am a horrible parent.”

“I am ruining my children.”

The guilt and shame that you feel when you yell at your child is natural, however, it can cause you to ignore an important part of parenting:

The Repair

Here’s the thing. You are human. You are capable of feeling a full spectrum of human emotions, and can sometimes become so overcome with an emotion, that you forget that your children are tiny humans, new to this world.

You are the adult with more experience. I won’t tell you that you should know and act better, because the truth is that your overwhelming emotions are an indicator that something is not in alignment with your values or your desires. 


Sometimes your emotions get the best of you, and that’s OK.

When this does happen, though, it is important to own up to your mistake. Apologizing to your child sets an example. You show your children that even adults make mistakes–that you are human and can sometimes react without thinking, and cause hurt or pain in another. 

By apologizing, you demonstrate to your child the importance of owning your mistake and making amends. You also show your child how to appropriately apologize for hurting someone else, an important life skill. 

Finally, the follow-thru allows your child to observe change and growth in others, and they will learn to expect this from future partners and friends. 

Before we get into how to make a repair with your child after an incident, let’s first decide what is not an apology.

An apology is not:

Ignoring the need for an apology.

It is a common leftover belief from earlier generations that adults never apologize to children. The belief that adults are always right or know better than children fuels this idea and can lead you to believe that you don’t owe your children an apology.

Gaslighting.

The first experience children have with gaslighting often comes from the adults around them. When a child recalls a moment that may or may not have happened the way they remember, it is important to validate their experience, rather than tell them that the way they remember it happening is inaccurate. 

“I’m sorry, but …”

This is not an apology, this is an excuse. Take ownership over your response to a stimulus. Your child may have broken your favorite vase or lied about sleeping at a friend’s house before you lost your cool, but their behavior doesn’t dictate your reaction.

Silent treatment.

Similar to ignoring the need for an apology, the silent treatment is avoiding talking about the situation or even addressing your child for an extended period of time. 

So how do you make a proper apology?

An apology has four components:

Own your mistakes.

Admit you messed up and are working to do better. 

Reconnect.

Sit with your child. Acknowledge their feelings. Let them be seen. 

“I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Acknowledge the impact you had, even if it was unintended.

Reflect.

Take time to consider your behavior and what emotions might have been at the root of your reaction. 

An apology to a younger child might sound like this:

“I was having big feelings earlier and said/did some things that I did not mean (ownership). That was probably really scary for you (reconnect/validation). I am sorry that I hurt you. It is never your fault when I yell like that (acknowledge). I will do better next time.”

The reflection part of an apology is separate from your apology. This is where you work to understand the trigger and what emotion it brought up in you, and the childhood message or pattern that lies underneath so you can heal the wound that the trigger exposed. 

Apologizing to your children is an important component of your child’s emotional intelligence. It teaches your child that people take responsibility for their actions, and helps them to build trust that people will do the right thing. It also will support your child’s understanding of their own emotions by validating their experience, allowing them to develop self-trust.

It’s never easy to take accountability when you make a mistake, but like anything else in life, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. 

If you’re looking for more support to understand your triggers and how to work with the underlying messages, I’ve got you covered. Check out my Understanding Triggers Masterclass. Use code AIMJUNE24 for 25% off before June 30.

The Emotional Bus is Struggling

Children: Navigating the Feelings that come with BIG Emotions

Written by Admin on . Posted in Healing, Inner Child Work, Mental Wellness, Parenting, Relationships, Self-Love. No Comments on Children: Navigating the Feelings that come with BIG Emotions

Written By Elizabeth Morse, Author of “The Emotional Bus is Struggling“

As someone who deals with many issues like chronic pain, autoimmune diseases, stomach
issues, and complications after back surgery, I learned that masking my emotions would only
hurt myself and decided to speak up about the struggles that I was going through. I took this
thinking and brought it into my classroom and couldn’t believe the results. I have always wanted
to be a teacher, and even dressed up as one for career day in third grade. I went to college and
received my teaching certificate in 2012. Between then and now, so many things have changed
except my views on speaking up for yourself when it comes to your mental health and emotions.

During my time as a teacher, I had many parents who didn’t believe that their child could feel the
same emotions as them. I was a preschool teacher dealing with a lot of ‘threenagers’ who had
very big emotions and parents who had no idea how to handle them. I explained it as easy as,
they feel all the same emotions as we do, but don’t know how to identify, explain, and deal with
these emotions. Now, time for exercise. I want you to picture yourself as a three-year-old child,
sitting in the middle of the classroom building a whole town from blocks, animals, and people.
You have made it through lunch, nap time, and a craft, just waiting until the afternoon when it’s
free play- your favorite time of the day. You are lying on the ground immersed in your town when
a friend comes over and kicks your whole town apart. You scream and cry at the top of your
lungs. You get up and start running after your friend when your teacher steps in front of you to
see what happened. In that moment, you are feeling so much at once, but you can’t put words
together, so you just scream. It’s too hard to calm down and listen to what your teacher is
saying. That scene you were building means everything to you and now it’s gone. It’s hard for
you, as a child, to figure out what emotions you are feeling, how to handle them, and how to
make yourself feel better. This may seem like ‘not a big deal’ to an adult, but when something
like this happens to a child, it means everything to them and feels like their entire world is falling
apart. Remember, at this age they think that the world revolves around them and only them.

When something like this happened in my classroom, I had certain ‘tools’ that I used for a big
emotional moment. If the child was too overwhelmed and dealing with something like the scene
above, I had a ‘cool out corner’ where there were toys and gadgets that the child could focus on
to calm down. I made sure that the children understood that this wasn’t a ‘bad’ corner where you
only go to when you are in trouble. After the child calmed down, we would sit and have a
conversation about what happened and the big emotion(s). Some things that I focused on were
what happened, why they reacted that way, what emotions they were feeling, and what would
make them feel better. Once I started sitting down and talking with the child through their
emotion, I realized how much it was helping. It became more like friends talking instead of
teacher/student, and this is the point in time where I started calling my students ‘friends’ instead
of ‘students’ and emotions weren’t looked at as “good” or “bad” but rather just emotions or “big
emotions”.

I ended up having to leave teaching in 2017 and it was one of the hardest decisions I had to
make. I felt like I was a shell of myself because of the toll on my body from teaching and my
disabilities. I decided to take all of the years of experience in teaching, babysitting, working with
kids, and my own emotions, and write a book about something that mattered and was hard to
talk about: those big emotions! In my first book, I wanted to write about an emotion that was
close to my heart after years of battling illnesses and my disabilities- struggling! I wanted to
write a book that could be used as a tool in people’s lives, and my main character, The
Emotional Bus, or E.B., could be looked at as a friend and a teacher, just like I was. Struggling
doesn’t have to be looked at as ‘bad’, but rather just like any emotion. Being able to identify,

showing what it may look or feel like, how to help yourself, or when to ask for help is now my
mission in life. Can you imagine a child walking up to you and saying, “I’m struggling today
because of…” and starting that open conversation about their day and big emotions. Mental
health and these big emotions in children need to be talked about more, and I’m hoping I’m
paving the way to help open the minds of adults and how we need to talk about emotions rather
than hide them. We’re all in this together.

The Secrets of The Hidden Workforce: Developmental Disability in the Workplace

Written by Admin on . Posted in Disability, Mental Wellness, Workplace. No Comments on The Secrets of The Hidden Workforce: Developmental Disability in the Workplace

Written by Lisa Toth, Author of “The Secrets of The Hidden Workforce“

As the author of “The Secrets of the Hidden Workforce,” it is both exciting and an honor to share with you the transformative journey I have embarked on throughout my life uncovering the positive impact people with different abilities bring to the workforce. This book is a culmination of my passion for diversity, inclusion, and the untapped potential that lies within the hidden workforce. Again, to emphasize credit where credit is due, my book and life’s work would not exist if it were not for the amazing community I have the joy of serving almost every day- people who live with different abilities. They are the driving force behind my passion, advocacy, and purpose. 

From the very beginning, my goal and path were clear: I wanted to challenge the existing status quo, perceptions, and biases surrounding people who live with different abilities in the workplace as well as in society and culture as a whole. Through my personal stories, in-depth research, and practical insights, I truly aim to shine a spotlight on the unique strengths, experiences, and contributions of individuals with different abilities. Any platform I have a chance to share their stories and experiences I will share and advocate for them. 

The differently-abled community has a diverse range of abilities and can have a profound influence on team dynamics, innovation, and productivity. Through inspiring stories and real-world examples, I illustrate how individuals with different abilities can thrive in various professional settings and drive positive change within organizations.

An important and central theme I do my best to emphasize throughout my book is the value of creating an inclusive and supportive work environment that provides opportunity and an accommodating space for people who live with different abilities. By fostering a culture of acceptance, understanding, and empathy, we can unlock the full potential of this hidden workforce and empower individuals with different abilities to flourish as well as empower companies and organizations to be inclusive employers.

I am particularly passionate about highlighting the benefits of embracing this unique and diverse community in the workplace. By recognizing the specialized strengths and skills that individuals with conditions such as Autism, ADHD, Down Syndrome, Dyslexia, and more bring to the table, we can create a more inclusive and innovative work environment that fosters diversity and values creativity. A way I like to think about this, for example, is how most companies have a set routine for how they approach a process of accomplishing a project. When we bring diverse team members who live with different abilities into the conversation who see the world differently and who approach problem-solving from a fresh and different angle, this is a natural start to invention, innovation, and progress. I like to posture to the companies I work with, “What if the way they see it or how they approach solving the problem is the better way?” Many of the companies who take the chance to hire this community usually have not considered this perspective and are pleasantly surprised by how it positively impacts their work productivity, the atmosphere of their work environment, and company culture. 

Through practical guidance and best practices, I provide actionable strategies for companies and organizations to tap into the valuable talent pool of individuals with different abilities. From recruitment and onboarding to training and accommodations, I offer insights to help create a more inclusive and supportive workplace culture that empowers all employees to reach their full potential. 

I also address common misconceptions and stereotypes surrounding individuals with different abilities, urging readers to challenge their preconceived notions and biases. By promoting awareness, education, and advocacy, I encourage readers to embrace diversity and celebrate the unique talents and perspectives that individuals with different abilities bring to the workforce and the world around them. I want to be an active part of breaking the stigmas and shattering the glass ceilings that have been placed over the differently abled community for far too long.

In “The Secrets of the Hidden Workforce,” I implore you to reconsider your views on different abilities and recognize the immense value that individuals with diverse talents and experiences bring to the workplace. By embracing diversity, fostering inclusion, and celebrating the unique strengths of every individual, we can not only drive innovation and success but also create a more compassionate and equitable workplace for all.

Parallel Healing: A Mother-Son Journey Through Psychedelics

Written by Admin on . Posted in Abuse, Healing, Inner Child Work, Mental Wellness, Parenting, Psychedelics, Relationships, Self-Love, Trauma. No Comments on Parallel Healing: A Mother-Son Journey Through Psychedelics

By Josh Halu & Candace Halu

Candace: I have hated my mom for as long as I can remember. At three years old, I clamored to my mom’s bed for a cuddle of reassurance and love, but she pushed me away. And there she was, at my husband’s funeral, pretending she was there to support me, and I hated her more. It was enough that my husband had died of suicide that morning, but seeing her caused me as much, if not more, angst. 

Josh: I hated my mom. Deep in my soul, I was irreparably wounded. I felt utterly unconnected to her for the first three decades of my life, like how I’ve always felt about my father, who died of suicide when I was four. Whose funeral is my first memory in life and a starting point for the chaos of my childhood. When buying an obligatory Mother’s Day card, I would look for the most generic card I could find. Looking through the greeting card aisle would always take me so long to find one that didn’t express sentiments I knew I didn’t feel. And I would wonder what it felt like to have a meaningful and loving relationship with a mother. I never knew what that felt like, and I was sure that it would always be this way.

Candace: Mother’s Day and my mom’s birthday were one week apart. Did I have to buy two cards? I hated thinking about this every year. I picked the most generic card that I could find and signed it. I never desired to have a relationship with my mother, who was narcissistic and abusive, with a lack of conscience.

Josh: Not until psilocybin, the “magical” compound in psychedelic mushrooms, changed everything for me. Life as I knew it was never the same after that self-administered large dose of home-grown mushrooms. The medicine created a profound six-hour experience, ending with a decision to call my mom immediately and have the first real conversation I’d ever had with her, and beginning the most important journey of my life – healing my relationship with my mom. This journey would eventually lead to multiple psychedelic experiences together, which would fundamentally change our lives and relationship, elevating existence as we knew it.

Candace: I was hesitant when Josh suggested we take mushrooms. I am medicated for bipolar disorder, and I was also afraid that I would overdose, as I had on other drugs in my youth. Josh reassured me this would be a different and safe experience. During our trip together, I saw Josh’s inescapable pain and vulnerability for the first time, and I was afraid for him. I also felt immense guilt. But Josh and I knew this was just the beginning, a new trajectory for our relationship. We learned how deeply connected we were, and we committed to healing the generational trauma that had shaped our being to the core.

Josh: I came into the world with abandonment and rejection, my mom once told me, knowing at conception that she didn’t want to be married to my father. A second child would only make her more attached to him. On top of that, my mere existence was infused with conflict. I was born in Jerusalem, Israel, to an American-Jewish mother and an Israeli-Christian Arab father. My mom moved from Chicago to Israel when she was 23, herself fleeing from significant childhood trauma, which she passed down to me. She met my father while in Israel, and their love, between a Jew and an Arab, was prohibited. We moved to the US when I was two to start our new life.

Candace: My parents’ relationship was incredibly toxic. My first memories are of my dad bleeding from a head injury from the blow that my mother inflicted on him using a hard, sharp object. I was three. I was living in fear. I learned to protect myself by staying as far away as I could, from my mother and her unpredictable behavior.

Josh: After losing my father to suicide, the progression of my life evolved rapidly. My mom was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and mental illness was commonplace in my existence. She remarried a couple of years later. I was a middle child and never felt like I belonged. I would fight with my siblings often. My parents sent me to multiple therapists. I was diagnosed with ADHD and medicated and sent to live with other families several times during childhood, including most of eighth grade. During that year away, I could only call home and speak to my family once weekly at a predetermined time. I was allowed to return home for high school, but after one semester of my first year, my parents sent me to a military boarding school in another state, away from everything and everyone I’d ever known. I was 14 years old, and unbeknownst to me then, I would be in a military uniform for another 14 years.

The first semester at military school was miserable. Suddenly, I was getting my head shaved and yelled at, learning to shine my shoes and march in formation. I failed classes and got into fights and trouble, nearly getting kicked out of school. I begged my parents to let me come home, and they clarified that would never be an option. I wasn’t allowed or welcome back home. I decided to take matters into my own hands, accepting that I had to rely only on myself for the rest of my life. 

Candace: In an impulsive reaction to some minor trouble that Josh was involved in, my husband, Tim, and I decided it would be best for our family if Josh were removed from the house and our family. It was a heart-wrenching decision, but Tim had a rough time living in my chaos. He had married me four years prior with a family of three children ages 4, 6, and 9, all reeling from the suicide of their father.  I had hoped that Tim would feel relief, and I rationalized that Tim and I would be together for the rest of our lives and Josh would be on his own by the time he was eighteen. 

Josh: On the first day of my sophomore year, I was in Junior ROTC class, and I learned about the United States Service Academies. I became interested specifically in West Point, the US Military Academy, one of the best institutions in the world. My academic advisor told me there was no way I was getting in with my abysmal grades and lack of any extracurricular involvement. At that moment, I committed myself to do whatever it took to get into West Point, seeing it as my path to emancipation from my parents and family, and to an accomplished life.