Author: Admin

Breaking Free from Toxic Relationships: A Journey of Courage and Empowerment

Written by Admin on May 2, 2024. Posted in Abuse, Depression, Healing, Mental Wellness, Relationships, Trauma. No Comments on Breaking Free from Toxic Relationships: A Journey of Courage and Empowerment

Written By Dr. Jamie Huysman, Founder of The TAR Network

Behind closed doors, in the quiet corners of our neighborhoods, and within the fabric of our communities, a silent pandemic rages on. It doesn’t make headlines or prompt global alarms, yet its impact reverberates through millions of people worldwide. This is the pandemic of toxic abusive relationships — a hidden thief of joy, a silent killer of souls, and a destroyer of futures.

Imagine a world where every word feels like a dagger to the heart, where every action leaves behind wounds that refuse to heal. This is the reality of Toxic Abusive Relationships (TAR) — a realm where emotional, mental, and sometimes physical harm are woven into the fabric of everyday life.

The Courage to Leave: Breaking the Chains

In the shadows of TAR, victims feel isolated; their pain invisible to the outside world. The toxic cycle of manipulation, control, and abuse becomes a suffocating cloud, dimming any hope for a brighter future. However, amidst this darkness, there is a glimmer of light — a path to healing, empowerment, and reclaiming one’s worth.

Dr. Jamie Huysman stands as a beacon of hope for those navigating the treacherous waters of TAR. A trauma-certified Psychologist, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and Certified Compassion Fatigue Therapist, he brings over 30 years of experience to his practice. Dr. Jamie reflects “I’ve been privileged to help people from all walks of life overcome their traumatic, degrading experiences using a comprehensive trauma-informed approach that lifts the mind and spirit in difficult situations when dealing with high-conflict and toxic relationships.”

With a mission to bring healing and empowerment to people impacted by TAR, Dr. Jamie conceptualized and founded TAR Network as a safe haven and roadmap to recovery for victims navigating the murky, sticky, treacherous terrain of TAR.

TAR Network™ is a 501(c)(3) international charity dedicated to bringing worldwide awareness and treatment to those whose emotional reality has been distorted by narcissistic abuse.

Dr. Jamie has witnessed firsthand the devastating aftermath of TAR. He has seen the long-lasting effects of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), and has made it his life’s purpose to educate, offer a guiding hand, help victims become warriors, and help people battered by the storms of abuse.

Recognizing the Signs: A Crucial First Step

The journey to freedom from TAR begins with the courageous act of recognizing the signs. Feeling constantly criticized, belittled, or walking on eggshells — afraid of upsetting your partner — are not normal attributes of love. If any of these resonate with you, know that you are not alone.

Dr. Jamie’s journey has placed him alongside people from diverse backgrounds, including first responders (i.e. police, firefighters), medical and allied healthcare professionals, military personnel, business executives, managers, clerks, and many others from all walks of life. Each person comes with their unique story, with all sharing a common struggle — a battleground of psychological warfare that nearly cost them their lives. “I’ve stood side-by-side with my patients fighting on the front lines, and each one of their experiences has contributed to the development of a TAR Dojo equipped with tools to ensure healing, find meaning in their lives, and navigate the complexities of toxic abusive relationships,” Dr. Jamie reflects.

Creating a Path to Freedom: Safety Plans and Support Systems

Leaving a toxic abusive relationship is never easy. Fear, uncertainty, and conflicting emotions often paralyze victims, trapping them in a cycle of hopelessness and despair. Many victims believe that they will suffer repercussions, financial instability, and other unknown challenges that seem insurmountable.

However, there is power in reaching out for help. Trusted friends, family members, counselors, or organizations specializing in domestic violence can provide the support needed to break free. Remember, asking for help is not a sign of weakness — it is a testament to your strength and resilience.

Embracing a New Beginning: Reclaiming Your Power

With each step towards freedom, survivors of TAR begin to reclaim their power and rebuild their lives. It is a journey of self-discovery, rediscovering one’s worth, strengths, and passions that have been buried under the weight of abuse.

As survivors heal, they become advocates for change, shining a light on the realities of toxic abusive relationships. They offer hope and empowerment to those still trapped in the darkness, showing them that a life free from abuse is not only possible but deserved.

A Call to Empowerment and Solidarity

Breaking free from a toxic abusive relationship is a courageous act of self-love and self-preservation. It is a declaration that no one deserves to be mistreated or live in fear. The path to freedom may be challenging, but it is one paved with dignity, empowerment, and the possibility of joy.

If you are contemplating leaving a TAR, know that you are not alone. There is a community of survivors ready to support you, resources available to guide you, and a future filled with hope waiting to be embraced.

Remember that your safety, well-being, and happiness are paramount. You deserve relationships that uplift you, nurture your soul, and empower you to be the best version of yourself. The journey to freedom begins with a single step — have the courage to take it, and begin to believe you are worthy of a life filled with love, respect, and kindness.

Mental Health & Trauma Awareness Month

In recognition of Mental Health & Trauma Awareness Month, TAR Network™ is proud to announce the launch of TAR Anon™ worldwide! Together with CPTSD Foundation and WeHealUS, we are creating an international fellowship aimed at aiding recovery from Toxic Abusive Relationships (TAR), utilizing TAR Network’s 12-step recovery model.

Trauma from TAR has devastating effects on victim’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Sadly, countless people around the world are silently trying to heal the scars left by such experiences. Millions of people suffer from the long-term effects of trauma, feeling isolated and misunderstood.

Please Support TAR Anon™

TAR Anon provides a lifeline for those who feel lost in the aftermath of toxic relationships. It offers a community of understanding, empathy, and shared experiences — essential elements for healing. Your donations to TAR Anon contribute to the advancement of a global network where survivors can find refuge, support, and the tools necessary to reclaim their lives.

May, 2024 – An Important Month with a Vital Cause

Mental Health & Trauma Awareness Month serves as a crucial reminder of the prevalence of trauma in our society. It is a time to shed light on the challenges faced by survivors, advocate for their needs, and foster a culture of compassion and support. By raising awareness and standing in solidarity with survivors, we create a world where healing is possible, stigma is erased, and voices are heard.

To become a part of Mental Health & Trauma Awareness Month and to support TAR Anon please reach out to us at Contact@TARNetwork.org and frequently visit our website, TAR Network.

Your History of Trauma Matters for Menopause

Written by Admin on May 2, 2024. Posted in Abuse, Depression, Healing, Mental Wellness, Psychedelics, Relationships, Self-Love, Trauma. No Comments on Your History of Trauma Matters for Menopause

Plus, how psilocybin may be able to help with symptoms of this major mid-life change

Written By Jennifer Chesak, Author of The Psilocybin Handbook for Women

With severe asthma, I was seriously ill as a child. I was frequently hospitalized,
sometimes in the intensive care unit. At one point when I was about eight, I had only
half a lung functioning, and the situation was touch and go. Hooked up to oxygen and
an assortment of other tubes, I remember crying to my mom, saying, “I just want to be
able to breathe.” But the crying only exacerbated my symptoms. I didn’t know it at the
time, but I was experiencing childhood trauma, and it had the potential to alter the
course of my health as an adult, including my experience with perimenopause in midlife.

If you go to your doctor for help with perimenopause symptoms, one thing they likely
won’t tell you is that your life’s history may be having an impact. If you’ve experienced
trauma, especially in childhood, you’re more likely to have worsened perimenopause
symptoms. Childhood trauma is often collectively referred to as adverse childhood
experiences, or ACEs. ACEs include abuse, neglect, assault, having an incarcerated
parent, bullying, poverty, natural disasters, manmade disasters, severe childhood
illness, and more. ACEs have lasting effects on our stress response. The good news is
that new research shows that psilocybin lessens our psychological response to ACEs.
Therefore, it may help ease perimenopause symptoms.

We have two main arms to our autonomic nervous system. One is the sympathetic
nervous system, often called “fight or flight.” The other is our parasympathetic nervous
system, often called “rest and digest.” They work somewhat in opposition to each other.
Think about a time when you heard bad news or were highly stressed. Maybe you threw
up or had other gastrointestinal issues. This is because when we’re in fight-or-flight
mode, our body directs all resources to helping us manage the threat. Hence, our
digestion temporarily takes a backseat. When the threat is over, our stomach settles
again.

Well, when we’ve experienced a trauma, our fight-or-flight system can get low-grade
turned on all the time, making it harder for us to get back to rest and digest, where we
feel calmer. Instead, we remain in a state of hypervigilance, where even small things
can seem like a threat to our traumatized brain.

The lasting changes to our stress response from our ACEs affect how our or bodies
manage stress hormones, such as cortisol, which can impact how we manage glucose
and insulin. These changes can have profound impacts on our health in adulthood,
including our metabolic health, making us more at risk for type 2 diabetes,
cardiovascular disease, and obesity. What’s more—worsened metabolic health can also
exacerbate menopause symptoms.

About one in six adults has experienced four or more ACEs. And if you’ve experienced
four or more ACEs, you’re more likely to have worsened perimenopause symptoms,
such as depression, hot flashes, sleep disturbances, sexual dysfunction, and more.

Here’s a quick primer on menopause terminology. Menopause is really a blip in time, the
moment where you’ve had an absence of a period for 12 months. The average age of
menopause is 52. After you’ve reached menopause, you’re in post-menopause. Before
menopause, you’re in the state of perimenopause, where you’re experiencing changes
in your cycle as your ovarian reserve declines and your hormone levels shift. You may
notice perimenopause symptoms for even a decade before reaching menopause.

This bears repeating: if you’ve experienced ACEs, you might have worsened
perimenopause symptoms. That seems rather unfair. Not only do you have a history of
trauma and have endured a lot, now you’re facing a potentially more intense situation
with “the change.”

So what can you do? Find ways to train yourself to tap back into rest-and-digest mode.
We have lots of tools at our disposal to do this, including meditation, breathwork, yoga,
regular exercise, engaging in enjoyable hobbies, spending time with people we feel safe
with, cognitive behavioral therapy, etc. We also have psychedelics, like psilocybin.
Research shows that psilocybin has the potential to lessen our negative psychological
responses to our ACEs, which in turn could help ease menopause symptoms.
Psilocybin activates serotonin receptors. Through various mechanisms, serotonin
receptor activation influences the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis, which manages
our stress response.

Psilocybin may be able to help us in perimenopause in other ways too. A common
perimenopause symptom is depression. If you tell your doctor that you’re depressed in
midlife, likely they’ll prescribe you an antidepressant, such as a selective serotonin
re-uptake inhibitor, or SSRI. SSRIs are great medications that have helped many people,
including myself. By writing this, I do not want to disparage SSRIs or encourage anyone
to go off their meds, especially not without talking to your doctor and finding a safe
tapering protocol—if it’s even safe for you to go off your prescription in the first place.
However, I do have concerns about how many middle-aged people assigned female at
birth are prescribed SSRIs simply because they’ve reached perimenopause and are
experiencing symptoms.

One thing to consider is that SSRIs blunt mood. That’s how they work. Not only do they
blunt your lows (which is what we’re going for) but they also blunt your highs. Survey
research shows that psilocybin doesn’t blunt mood; instead it makes us feel more OK
with our highs and lows. SSRIs also come with side effects, such as low libido, which is
another common symptom of perimenopause and beyond. Additionally, SSRIs must be
taken every day for them to continue working. Research shows that psilocybin, when
taken as a macro-dose in a therapeutic setting, can have lasting effects on major
depression, meaning you don’t need to use it regularly. However, some people do
microdose, which is taking a minuscule amount at regular intervals.

I’m not suggesting that psilocybin is a cure-all for every perimenopause symptom under
the sun or that it’s right for everyone. It’s neither of these things. But it may be a tool
that’s right for you. To find out more, you can check out my book The Psilocybin
Handbook for Women, which has a robust section on menopause.

As for me, I’m 45 and most definitely in perimenopause. My symptoms are noticeable at
times, but they aren’t awful. I have done a lot of work in recent years to really learn how
to tap into my rest-and-digest mode when I feel fight-or-flight trying to take over. One
thing I’ve done is engage in therapeutic use of psilocybin. I can’t say for certain that the
plant medicine has changed my perimenopause trajectory, but I think it has. Additionally,
I do know that I’m now much more able to control my stress response. So again, I say
psilocybin is a tool in my arsenal and it’s done a lot for me in terms of grappling with
traumas old and new.

Healing from Childhood Emotional Neglect

Written by Admin on May 2, 2024. Posted in Abuse, Depression, Healing, Inner Child Work, Mental Wellness, Parenting, Relationships, Self-Love, Trauma. No Comments on Healing from Childhood Emotional Neglect

Written By Tina Hamilton, The Healing Parent

Childhood emotional neglect is the “failure of caregivers to provide adequate emotional support, validation, and attention to a child or dependent adult¹.” Last month, we dove deep into Childhood Emotional Neglect – what it is, what it looks like, the signs you experienced it as a child, and how it relates to you as a parent. If you missed it, be sure to check it out here.

If you identified as possibly experiencing emotional neglect as a child, the next question you likely have is: Now what?

Experiencing emotional neglect as a child essentially means that you grew up without having a trusted adult or caregiver who could support you through big emotions.

As a parent who experienced childhood emotional neglect, this can mean several things. Three of them being:

Those big emotions were never processed and released. They live in your body, stored in the inner child. Those big emotions are then triggered whenever you experience a similar situation as an adult. This may mean that your reactions feel overwhelming or bigger than what might feel necessary.

Your emotional intelligence and development is limited. Said without any judgment, this is common for adults who were not given the space to feel their emotions as children. You may find that you are not familiar with how some emotions feel in your body or you may find that you have a predominant emotion (such as anger or shame).

Helping your children through their big emotions feels impossible. You might find yourself shutting your child’s emotions down or hurrying them through an emotion. You can feel uncomfortable and irritable when your child is experiencing a big emotion.

Healing from the effects of childhood emotional neglect can be difficult, but it is not impossible given appropriate resources and strategies. Here are several ways that you can get started:

Practice self-compassion. When you are overcome with an emotion, it is likely that it is accompanied by a sense of shame. You may find yourself saying things like:

You’re overreacting.

You don’t deserve to be upset.

Big girls don’t cry.

When you notice this, close your eyes, place a hand on your heart, and take a deep breath. Allow the breath you reach the deepest part of your lungs. Slowly exhale as though you are blowing out candles, and as you do, imagine the thoughts leaving your body.

Replace those thoughts with a positive affirmation such as: “I feel deeply, and that is OK,” or “I am a human having a human reaction.” Remind yourself that you are safe.

Why is this important? As a child, you may have been taught that your feelings are not important or that they are overwhelming or inappropriate. Feelings are just feelings. They are not good or bad, nor do they say anything about who you are as a person. To be human is to feel. By practicing self-compassion and allowing yourself to experience the feelings, you are allowing your body to experience the full breadth of humanity. The more you affirm that you are safe and that feelings are a normal part of living, the more comfortable you will become experiencing feelings as they arise in your body.

Engage in somatic exercises. Somatic exercise is the practice of moving your body with the goal of connecting with your inner world, rather than focusing on a performance-driven outcome, such as muscle toning or increased stamina. Somatic exercises include modalities such as yoga, interpretive dance, and conscious breathing. The idea is that the movements that you do are specifically attuned to your individual needs, rather than a prescriptive program.

A simple somatic exercise is a progressive relaxation technique coupled with diaphragmatic breathing.

Find a comfortable position, preferably lying down.
With one hand on your belly the other on your chest, inhale and send your breath toward the hand on your belly. Allow your belly to expand, pushing your hand out.
Inhale to a count of four, hold for two, and exhale for six. Repeat this breath as you scan your body, beginning at the toes.
Tighten the muscles in your toes and feet as you inhale and hold. On the exhale, release the muscles.
On your next inhale, tighten your calf muscles. On the exhale release.
Continue this process, moving up your body, one muscle group at a time (knees/thighs, glutes, abdomen, shoulders/chest, arms/hands, neck/jaw, face).
Once you finish, take 3 – 5 more diaphragmatic breaths, allowing the sensation of complete relaxation to move through your body.

Build your emotional awareness. Did you know that there are 87 different emotions? Brene Brown’s Atlas of the Heart is a fantastic resource to help you learn about the different emotions and what they look and feel like in the body, and how to move through them.

The more you can learn about the different emotions available to you, the better able you will be able to identify and navigate through them as they arise within you. As an added bonus, you will be able to identify the different emotions as they present in your children, supporting them as they experience the emotions.

Write your inner child a letter. Perhaps one of my favorite practices, this is a great way to connect with your inner child to provide the support and comfort that was needed as a child. If you can, find a picture of yourself from childhood. It is often easier to connect with your inner child with a picture present, but if you don’t have access to one, close your eyes and bring to mind a younger version of yourself. Try to bring the child in with as much detail as possible. How did you wear your hair? What type of clothes did you like to wear? What colors are you wearing? Do you have a favorite toy or stuffed animal with you?

Once you have an image (or picture) available, begin writing a letter to your younger self. Acknowledge the pain and loneliness that they experienced. Validate those experiences, and tell your younger self what you needed to hear as a child. Offer them the love, compassion, support, and encouragement that you wished you received at that time in your life. If you are a parent, it can sometimes help to imagine what you would say (or wish you could say) to your child when they are experiencing a big emotion.

Seek support from a licensed therapist or coach. Having a trusted therapist or coach can make the process of healing from childhood emotional neglect feel less overwhelming. This person can hold space for every part of you that longs to be seen and heard, and help you to find self-compassion and understanding.

These practices are the start to a lifelong journey of healing the wounds from childhood. It is important to remember that there is no finish line. Healing is a practice that has mountains and valleys. Some days you will swiftly move through an emotion with ease, and other days, you may find yourself repeating patterns and behaviors that you thought you processed and released.

Remember to always have compassion for yourself. You are permitted to feel exactly how you feel without adding shame or guilt. Everything you feel is a normal part of life. Allow the emotion to bubble up, feel it fully, and then allow it to move through you.

This content is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute individualized medical advice. It is not intended to replace professional medical evaluation, diagnosis, or treatment. Seek the advice of your physician for questions you may have regarding your health or a medical condition. If you are having a medical emergency, call your physician or 911 immediately.

Mental Health Awareness Month and Recognizing Vicarious Trauma

Written by Admin on May 2, 2024. Posted in Abuse, Depression, Healing, Mental Wellness, Prosecutor POV, Trauma. No Comments on Mental Health Awareness Month and Recognizing Vicarious Trauma

Written By Kathryn Marsh, Prosecutor POV

May is mental health awareness month. A time to recognize how mental health issues may impact your or a loved one’s life and educate yourself on available resources and ways you can help advocate for others. Vicarious or secondary trauma is a mental health issue that isn’t discussed a lot outside of trauma career fields.

“Vicarious trauma is an occupational challenge for people working and volunteering in the fields of victim services, law enforcement, emergency medical services, fire services, and other allied professions, due to their continuous exposure to victims of trauma and violence.”

When it comes to sexual assault, child abuse and intimate partner violence the law enforcement community (police officers, victim advocates, prosecutors, etc.) has gotten much better at recognizing the impact of trauma on the victim. Specifically, how trauma may impact the brain which has changed how victim interviews and trauma informed investigations are conducted. However, while the law enforcement community has made great steps in understanding trauma on victims, there is still a lot of work to be done educating the community on vicarious trauma and its impact on those providing consistent services to victims.

Police officers and EMS are often the first person on the scene when a victim has experienced a violent, traumatic event. This may be a homicide, violent assault, sexual assault or physical child abuse. They witness the scene, the injuries and treat the traumatized victim, all while trying to remain composed and professional. This is then followed by interviewing victims and witnesses by both law enforcement, prosecutors and victim advocates. Prosecutors and law enforcement often comb through hours of video surveillance, photographs and child sexual abuse material, viewing the crimes over and over again, all while building a case. And, there is always another case just waiting. All of this has a direct impact on everyone involved.

Some of the most common symptoms caused by vicarious trauma include but are not limited to: burnout; feeling emotionally numb or withdrawn; fatigue; stress/anxiety; decreased resistance to illness; easily distracted; relationship problems; decreased participation in social activities or hobbies; increased irritability, aggressiveness or explosive violent outbursts; destructive coping or addictive behaviors; Secondary Traumatic Stress (STS)/PTSD.

Police officers are often impacted by vicarious trauma, and this has a direct correlation on their health and life expectancy. Based on three separate studies it is estimated that between 7-19% of police officers have been diagnosed with PTSD. Between stress, PTSD, dangerous exposures on the job and the suicide the average life expectancy of a police officer is 21.9 years lower than the US population.

Research has also shown that social workers, mental health professionals and domestic violence advocates who specialize in child or sexual abuse experience STS, compassion fatigue and burnout at higher rates than similar professions who deal with different caseloads.

Additionally, another study based solely on CPS (child protective service) workers found that the longer CPS agents worked in the field the more exposure they had to trauma and the more likely they were to experience increased symptoms of STS to include panic attacks and OCD symptoms.

Comparing these studies to prosecutors of domestic violence cases, researchers found prosecutors experienced increased levels of burnout and vicarious trauma compared to mental health and social service workers with similar cases, mainly due to prosecutors carrying higher caseloads and their supervisors not having experience in identifying symptoms of vicarious trauma.

Vicarious trauma can occur after one specific case or after dealing with hundreds of cases and there is no weakness in experiencing vicarious trauma. It’s not something you should “suck up” nor is it just part of the job and should be ignored. The important thing is to recognize that vicarious trauma is real and can impact anyone who deals with traumatic cases day in and day out.

There are some things everyone can do to help reduce the impact of vicarious trauma on themselves and loved ones.

Monitor the basics to include proper sleep, eating and exercise. Some great sleep apps prior to bed are Headspace and Sleep Diary. Whenever possible, put down the phone or tablet before bed.

Co-workers, family members and supervisors should all consider check-ins after difficult or prolonged cases and the encouragement of healthy social activities and hobbies. If you would like to learn more about vicarious trauma and resources for dealing with vicarious trauma the Department of Justice has put together a vicarious trauma toolkit with over 500 resources that are broken down by career field. This compendium of resources can be found at https://ovc.ojp.gov/program/vtt/compendium-resources.

Gen Z and Mental Health – New Frontiers

Written by Admin on May 2, 2024. Posted in Art, Depression, Gen-Z Perspective, Healing, Mental Wellness, Relationships, Self-Love, Trauma. No Comments on Gen Z and Mental Health – New Frontiers

Written By Michael Robb

Struggles against mental health have persisted across generations, but the rising adults of Gen Z
have been able to confront them with an unprecedented level of unity and openness. What felt
impossible to discuss openly mere decades ago now has many outlets thanks to community-
minded spaces on the internet and influential artists expressing their personal struggles through
everything from songs to video games.

The internet and social media are often criticized as being sources of mental illness or negativity,
but less frequently considered are its abilities to offer safe, anonymous spaces where users can
open up about their vulnerabilities and find community in shared struggles or peace in having a
dedicated, active listener on call.

One such website, 7cups, allows users to create an anonymous account and connect with a non-
professional, volunteer listener trained to talk others through mental health crises. The service is
free and acts as a resource for both adolescents and adults as they overcome their respective
obstacles. Because licensed therapy or psychiatric care is too expensive or inaccessible for many,
access to alternatives such as these have proven beneficial to internet-savvy Gen Zers. Other
platforms where users regularly anonymously post about their mental health experiences to
closely moderated communities include Tumblr and Reddit.

Some of today’s most popular music artists have inspired Gen Z in the quest to destigmatize
mental health, including Ed Sheeran, Billie Eilish. While watching these stars perform for
crowds of thousands, it can be easy to forget that they are human just like us – and they deal with
very personal struggles, the same as us. For many, like the two above, it becomes the driving
force behind their work – which touches the hearts of their millions of fans in their own times of
need.

Last year, Ed Sheeran released a 4-part docuseries on Disney+ titled The Sum Of It All, where he
delved into the most difficult period of his life. In the series, he describes his struggle with grief
during a time of heavy losses, and how they fueled his creative process rather than destroy it.
Many of his songs, it is revealed, owe their existence to these low moments.
One need only listen to any of Billie Eilish’s songs to understand her history of coping with
mental health challenges – Everything I Wanted, the artist has admitted, is a product of her
darkest depressive episodes, while Not My Responsibility takes a stand against body dysmorphia
disorder. Millions of her young fans are dealing with these same struggles and find strength
against a common enemy.

Modern artistic depictions addressing mental health do not stop with songwriters, though. Video
games have become an increasingly popular medium, and opportunities to convey complex
issues like mental health have become more common. Two recent titles, Omori (2021) and
Psychonauts 2 (2021) have done so in an accessible, respectful fashion. Both games feature main
characters experiencing trauma and depict their overcoming of it. Additionally, both feature
disclaimers at the start of each – revealing the developer’s intentions and respecting their
audience’s potential triggers.

Omori follows a young boy across both his waking and dreaming life as he copes with an
unexpected tragedy – the whimsical characters and locations he discovers along the way
representing manifestations of his trauma. The core takeaway of the game for myself was the
enduring power of friendship and love in times of crisis – even when terrifying truths about
Omori’s situation and condition are revealed, his friends, either real or imaginary, stand by him
to the bitter end.

Psychonauts 2 is the journey of Raz – a psychic being, as he leaps across surreal mindscapes of
the story’s characters, confronting wicked forces within – mental creatures. According to an
interview article with GameInformer, the developers of the game, DoubleFine, hired Dr. Rafael
Boccamazzo, a clinical psychologist, to review the final product of the game to ensure they had
produced an ethical product diving into the controversial nature of mental illness. Because the
objective of the game is always to heal the twisted state of the mindscapes and not manipulate
beyond that, Psychonauts 2 stands as a landmark in gaming history – a groundbreaking, genre-
defying video game that addresses mental illness in an accessible, thought-provoking way.
Mental health was heavily stigmatized at the start of the 21 st Century, but a combination of
internet safe spaces and popular artistic depictions of the subject have opened the door for more
conversations and opportunities for growth. Gen Z has been at the forefront of this paradigm
shift, and will continue to work towards a more inclusive, accessible future with these
experiences in mind.

Trauma Art: Creating It, Healing from It

Written by Admin on April 30, 2024. Posted in Abuse, Art, Depression, Healing, Uncategorized. No Comments on Trauma Art: Creating It, Healing from It

By Karen Gross, Trauma Educator

Pre-Pandemic, I spend much of my time at disaster sites, helping students, educators and institutions find pathways forward following a traumatic event. Whether it was a concert massacre or a border detention facility or a school shooting, I worked with individuals and organizations where trauma abounded. One lesson I learned was that to do this disaster relief work, I had to exercise self-care because, as the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Through a combination of making a mess with paints, expressing visually what I could not address verbally and exploring color, I created art. It was not originally designed to address trauma explicitly; it was designed to help me ameliorate the trauma I was witnessing (and to be candid, had witnessed throughout my life).

Here are two example of my early pre-Pandemic art that appear in a published book of poetry for children titled Flying Umbrellas and Red Boats published in 2019.

But, along came the Pandemic and the omnipresence of trauma across the globe. It was at during those early months that my engagement in and with art changed. With an unanticipated intensity, I created art that reflected the abundance of illness, death and dying as well as isolation and confusion and complexity with which we were living. And, I started to share art and its creation with others as a way of ameliorating trauma.

Let me explain.

For me, textured art took on new meaning. Collages moved to the forefront of my efforts. This was in part a response to the world in which we were living – it was filled with bumps. Our lives were far from smooth, and my art reflected the absence of that smoothness. And it showcased the intermixture of feelings and situations that both adults and children were feeling.

Here’s a sampling of my early Pandemic art, reflecting at least for me, the larger issues in our world.

Although I continued my art in private, I started sharing my art and then “doing” art with children and adults in the classes I taught remotely and later in person during the Pandemic. This art took many forms.

I tried using art to illustrate what trauma was doing to us – how it was dysregulating us and creating a sense of uncertainty and disorganization. The goal was to give visual cues as to what was occurring within our minds. While I continued to write books and blog, I saw art as another pathway through which to share trauma’s profound effects near and longer term.

Consider this example.

Then, I saw a need to illustrate how current trauma trips off earlier trauma, setting off a host of intense reactions. I called these tuning forks as our response to trauma mirrored the physics principles of action and reaction. The reverberations got stronger with each touch of the fork. When many forks were activated, I referred to it as “tuning fork orchestras.” And to this day, I keep a fork near me as I work, reminding me of trauma’s retriggering power. I reference tuning forks when I talk to professionals about trauma anniversaries/memorials.

Consider this example of “tuning fork art.”

Then, I introduced students to Kintsugi art – both seeing it and creating it. The idea was to take what was broken and mend it, uttering the phrase used in Kintsugi art, “more beautiful for being broken.” I shared Kitsugi motivated art that I created (I termed it “making peace of pieces”). I actually broke and mended bowls with educators who experienced trauma. Here are some examples.

Our art then took different forms, all reflective of the Pandemic and its impact upon us all. We created Kindness Rocks that were then given away to activate empathy engines. We created paperclip art chains that were strung around furniture and people to showcase the value of connection. We utilized zippers that reflected whether we were emotionally zipped up or totally unzipped. We did art on walls and in halls. All these art efforts were designed to respond to trauma by activating the senses and encouraging imagination but also to ameliorate trauma’s symptoms, focusing on connection and mending. It is this latter theme that accounts for the title of our new book, Mending Education: Finding Hope, Creativity and Mental Wellness in Times of Trauma (Teachers College Press, 2024).

Consider these examples:

Common Objects

Much of the art displayed here uses common objects, making it vastly easier for students and educators to find: forks, zippers, buttons, thread, yarn, rocks, paperclips, labels, glue and paint. With these common objects, we can create art that responds to the trauma we are experiencing – both representing the trauma and our pathways forward through mending.

As my students of all ages used art, I too expanded my art repertoire. I, too, used shards and common objects. I used ripped paper and glue. I used plaster of paris. I used things that were discarded. And from the detritus, I created art that messages. And I shared it is with students and educators.

Art can help us both recognize and ameliorate trauma. I cannot think of anything more powerful than enabling all individuals to move forward through difficult times. Art is one strategy for doing that. We would be wise to recognize art’s power and not marginalize it. Art, as described here, is not static; it is created to help move people and in that effort, it allows all of us to see and experience the effects of creativity and the power of the possible.

And, to that end, here is one final piece of art, exemplifying the themes presented here. Emotional stress, dangling with uncertainty, piecing things together and finding beauty. And, if you are doing trauma art – whether for yourself or for your students — reach out. I’d welcome that.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Written by Admin on April 2, 2024. Posted in Abuse, Gen-Z Perspective, Healing, Mental Wellness, Relationships, Self-Love, Sexual Harassment, Trauma. No Comments on April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Written By Kathryn Marsh, Prosecutor POV

Content Warning: This article contains references of sexual assault & abuse. Please continue reading with care.

Jane made it home. Her arms wrapped tightly around herself, just needing to hold herself together a little longer. Once she made it inside, she collapsed on the couch, in shock, in pain, in disbelief. What had just happened to her? Pictures from the night before kept flashing through her mind. What should she have done differently? Was it her fault? The images started going faster and faster through her mind and Jane just needed to feel clean. She ran to the shower and turned the water as hot as she could stand it. Jane climbed in but the heat didn’t really touch her. She started shaking and collapsed to the shower floor and started crying. Her roommate heard her and came in to check on her. Jane sobbed, “I think I was raped.”

The next couple of hours were just a blur. Jane googled what is rape? How do you know if you were raped? and What to do if you’re raped? The information swirled around, and Jane just couldn’t process what to do. Her roommate finally convinced her to go to the hospital for a sexual assault exam to at least make sure she was ok, medically.

Jane went to the hospital. At the Emergency Room, she tried to explain what had happened and why she was there. She broke down again. She was taken to another room, separate from the general waiting room, and told that a sexual assault nurse would be with her soon. They asked her if anyone was with her or if she wanted to call her family. Jane didn’t want anyone with her yet. She needed someone who knew more than she did to explain to her if what happened to her was actually sexual assault before she told her parents.

Some time later the nurse came into the room and explained the sexual assault examination. The nurse explained that first they would just talk and answer questions, then there would be a head to toe external body examination followed by an internal exam if necessary. The nurse explained that at each step of the examination, they would make sure Jane was ready and wanted to proceed before moving on to the next stage of the examination. Jane just nodded her head and said “ok.” The nurse asked a bunch of biographical questions – name, age, birthday, last menstrual cycle, last time she had consensual sex and more. Jane was able to answer all of the questions without a problem, until the nurse said “tell me what happened.” Jane froze. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to explain that the boy from her sophomore philosophy class that had seemed so smart and attentive had become someone else entirely. She didn’t know how to explain that although she had agreed to go back to his apartment, she didn’t think sex was going to happen. Just that they would hang out. Would the nurse even believe her? Would anyone? Why had she been so foolish? Why did she go back to his room? She should have known better. Jane started to panic.

The nurse took her hand and told her to focus on her – together they worked through several box breathing exercises until Jane calmed down. Jane explained “I went back to John’s room. We were sitting on the bed, watching a show and hanging out when he started kissing me. I kissed him back.” Jane remembered it had felt good. She really liked John. “John’s hands started moving under my shirt and then down my pants. I put my hand on top of his to stop his hand from moving farther but not necessarily to stop kissing him. He shook my hand off of his and started pulling my pants down. I tried grabbing the top of my pants to keep them up, but he was stronger. I remember telling him stop. He paused and looked at me like I was beneath him. “What do you mean stop? I know you like it, I know you want it.” I told him to stop again but he didn’t.” Jane paused, she remembered laying there looking up at him thinking this can’t be happening. “I tried to keep my legs together, but he was able to get between them anyway. I remember him going down on me and then I just kind of froze. I remember staring at the picture on his wall above his shoulder. I remember feeling him inside of me and just wanting it to be over.” Jane didn’t know how long the sex actually lasted. The only thing that had kept her together during that time was staring at the picture trying to distinguish brush strokes. “He finished and I laid there until he walked into the bathroom. Once the door closed, I got dressed and left.” The nurse then asked specific questions about the sexual acts that occurred; if John wore a condom, if he ejaculated, and licking, biting, etc.. The nurse asked if she had showered or gone to the bathroom. Jane felt like it had been wrong to take a shower, but she had just needed to wash his touch off of her. Jane then stood while the nurse took pictures of her body, again focusing on the wall to get through the exam. Jane hadn’t even known she had fingerprint bruises on her thighs until the nurse used a ruler and took pictures. After the visual exam and pictures were taken, the nurse had her lay down and started taking swabs everywhere Jane had indicated John had licked and kissed and lastly it was the internal examination where even more swabs were taken. Finally, after almost three hours, the examination was done. Jane was given medications and warned they may make her feel nauseous. She was provided a referral to follow up with her primary doctor. She was also given information on how to report to law enforcement.

Jane drove home. She talked to her roommate, and she called her parents. Her Dad wanted to call the police immediately, but Jane didn’t. Her Mom suggested she report the assault to her university under Title IX so she could at least make sure she didn’t have to see John in class anymore and she had access to services. Again, Jane hesitated. She had seen what had happened to other women who had made reports of sexual assault. She had seen doubt cross people’s faces when they heard about sexual assault complaints. She knew she herself had judged other women based on their reputation or what they wore. How could she have done that? She wanted to apologize to every woman she had judged harshly from the outside. Jane just wanted to feel like herself again. She wanted to feel safe in her own skin. She wanted to have never gone out with John. She wanted to never know what rape felt like. That’s what Jane wanted, but Jane’s wants had been taken from her last night in John’s room. Now she just had to decide what she could live with.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAHM). Rape is rarely the person in the woods, or the peeping Tom who breaks into a home. Sexual assault is most often committed by someone the victim knows, like John. On College campuses,

women experience two sexual assaults for every one robbery. Women between the ages of 18-24 are three times more likely to be sexually assaulted than women in other age groups. Among undergraduate students, 26.4% of women experience sexual assault via physical force, violence or incapacitation from alcohol or drugs. Only 20% of female students who experience sexual assault report to law enforcement. (All statistics came from RAINN)

This month, lets all work together to break the silence around sexual assault. Look for a “Take Back the Night” event near you or sponsor a “Take Back the Night” event. Share education and resources surrounding sexual assault on social media, or through a community event, and start with belief when someone shares their sexual assault with you.

If you or someone you know needs support – contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-656-4673; chat online at online.rainn.org; DOD Safe Helpline at 1-877-995-5247; Support Group Chat for Male survivors at supportgroup.1in6.org.

The #1 Micro-Trauma Every Human has Experienced: Childhood Emotional Neglect

Written by Admin on April 2, 2024. Posted in Abuse, Depression, Healing, Inner Child Work, Mental Wellness, Parenting, Relationships, Self-Love, Trauma. 1 Comment on The #1 Micro-Trauma Every Human has Experienced: Childhood Emotional Neglect

Written By Tina Hamilton, The Healing Parenting Coach

“If you want something to cry about, I’ll give you something!”

“Big girls don’t cry!”

“Go to your room until you can stop crying!”

“You’re fine. Brush it off and get on up.”

There isn’t an adult I talk to who hasn’t heard these words – or some variation of these words – at some point in their childhood.

When we were growing up, there was little attention paid to the emotional welfare of a child. The focus was on physical well-being. Did they have food? Clothes? A roof over their head? Yes? Then “you’re fine.”

“Be grateful,” we were taught. “There are children out there who have it far worse than you.”

These statements sound harmless. They sound like anything any parent – especially an exhausted, overwhelmed parent – might say to their kids.

In fact, I’ve said some of these words myself.

Psychologists and researchers now know, however, that when a caregiver fails to meet the emotional needs of a child, it can have detrimental effects on their mental health, both in childhood and later in adulthood.

It has been coined childhood emotional neglect, and it is what I consider to be the most prevalent microtrauma that nearly every adult has faced in their lifetime.

Childhood emotional neglect is often not something that is intentional, which is why many adults don’t identify as having experienced trauma as a child. You could have had parents who were very loving and kind, provided for you, and worked to create a happy and safe environment for you as a child. And yet, they could have struggled to meet your emotional needs.

The difference between Emotional Neglect and Emotional Abuse

It is important to note that there is a distinct difference between emotional neglect and emotional abuse. Emotional neglect is the “failure of caregivers to provide adequate emotional support, validation, and attention to a child or dependent adult,” while emotional abuse is the “deliberate act of emotional harm to another person”¹.

In addition, there is a spectrum of emotional neglect that ranges from unintentional to purposeful. What I am referring to in this article is the unintentional and subtle ways in which your emotional needs were not met in childhood.

So what does this type of childhood emotional neglect look like?

When I first read about this form of childhood emotional neglect, I was shocked.

“That’s emotional neglect?!” I remember thinking. “I thought that’s just how kids were parented.”

What I am referring to is the lack of emotional validation and dismissing feelings.

This might sound like, “Oh, it’s not that bad. You’re being dramatic,” or “You’re fine. You won’t even remember this tomorrow.”

This form of emotional neglect is the inability of a caregiver to console an upset child, and instead tells them to stop crying, or in some way minimizes their feelings – a common experience that most readers would resonate with. It is so subtle and intertwined in parenting strategies – especially those before the 2000’s – that it could hardly be considered emotional neglect.

Some adults may have also experienced a caregiver who was unable to provide them with adequate attention. This could look like having parents who worked long hours or a caregiver who was unavailable for deep conversations about what was happening in their child’s life.

None of this seems like something that could be considered traumatic, but it turns out has lasting consequences on the emotional development and well-being of a child.

Signs of childhood emotional neglect

When a child does not receive the emotional support and attention they need, it will manifest in a number of ways during adolescence and later into adulthood.

If you experienced some degree of emotional neglect as a child, you might have some of the following signs:

Out of touch with your emotions
Primary emotion shown is anger
Unable to express likes/dislikes, or speak up for yourself
People pleasing tendencies
Difficulty understanding others emotions
Fear of emotions – yours and others
Unable to trust or rely on others
Lack self-discipline
Addictive behaviors

Childhood emotional neglect and parenting

If you experienced emotional neglect as a child (even subtly), you are likely triggered when your child has big emotions. You might find yourself wanting to make your child move through the emotions faster, mainly because your body is uncomfortable.

Shaming Younger Generations Perpetuates Cycles of Trauma: Let’s Stop It and Focus on Empathy

Written by Admin on April 2, 2024. Posted in Depression, Healing, Mental Wellness, Psychedelics, Relationships, Self-Love, Trauma. No Comments on Shaming Younger Generations Perpetuates Cycles of Trauma: Let’s Stop It and Focus on Empathy

By Jennifer Chesak

In what I refer to as the “generation wars,” I frequently see memes from older generations that say, “We are not the same.” The memes are intended to shame younger generations. And my thought when I see these posts is, “Thankfully we are not the same, because I don’t want younger generations to suffer in the same ways.”

This breed of memes floating around features different variations. But they all essentially say the same thing: “We were not coddled, and you, Gen Z and younger Millennials, have been.”

When you post these memes, you show exactly who you are: someone who wants other people to endure pain and suffering, someone who lacks empathy. But I have to stop myself from getting angry and tap into my own empathy, because a lack of empathy, as exhibited in the memes, can stem from childhood trauma.

The memes I’m referring to say something like this: “I grew up getting my butt paddled. You grew up getting a trophy for participating. We are not the same.” Others show some egregious safety issue, like babies riding in the front seat—no car seat, no seatbelt—again with the tagline “We are not the same.”

Born in 1978, I’m Gen X, but barely. I have Millennial pals (born 1981-1996). At the university where I adjunct, I teach mostly Gen Z (1997-2012). And although I’m not a parent myself, my friends have mostly Gen Alpha kiddos (born 2010-mid 2020s). I do not want these generations to endure the things Gen-Xers (born 1965-1980) or Boomers (born 1946-1964) or the Silent Generation (1928-1945) did just so they have some sort of street cred.

I can laugh now about some of the dangerous stuff I was allowed to do simply because no one knew any better. I can laugh now that my parents had a stick labeled “Brat Paddle” on top the fridge. (They never used it, by the way.) But I’d be abhorred to learn that any of my friends were spanking their kids—or even threatening to—or letting them fly down a hill on a bike sans helmet. We know better now.

I don’t get the concept of making subsequent generations “pay the same dues” we did. I don’t want my Gen-Z students to have to take unpaid internships; that makes valuable field experience inaccessible for young adults who need to work a job that pays the bills. I don’t want my Gen-Z students to get sexually harassed at their first jobs.

Why would you want someone to suffer just because you did? Shouldn’t it be the opposite? I would think that enduring some forms of trauma would make one feel more empathetic and not want others to face the same.

My journalist mind wondered about this, so I dug into the research. It’s mixed. In some cases, the research shows that traumatic events can make us more empathetic. In other instances, the research shows that trauma can make us less able to empathize with others. The latter occurs because dialing back empathy can serve as defense mechanism when people face trauma. It may be the only way they can survive in the moment. And for that I can empathize. But it’s time to make a change. We have various tools for building our empathy muscles.

In our brains, we have something called the default mode network, a network of brain regions that work together. The DMN is concerned with our identity and our autobiographical memories. But it’s also the brain network we use to empathize, to put ourselves in another’s shoes. That’s because, to do so, all we have are our own experiences and feelings to draw on.

Psilocybin is one of the tools we can use to get the DMN to do its thing. When we do a macrodose (think 3 grams, give or take) of psilocybin, some interesting things happen to the DMN. Parts that normally connect will disconnect, while other parts that don’t normally connect will connect. When this happens, we may experience what’s called “ego death.” That term can sound scary, but it has benefits. Ego death can reduce your focus on yourself and make you feel more connected to the universe at large, to nature, to the people you love, and more. This extra connectedness is called “oceanic boundlessness.” Oceanic boundlessness can really make you feel the love for others and know, in your body, that they love you back.

If you aren’t ready to dive into psychedelics quite yet, other tools can help. Research shows that reading fiction or memoir can help you build your empathy muscle. Reading encourages you to put yourself in a character’s or author’s shoes and to imagine how you would feel in their situation as the plot progresses. Talking with others and really listening to their experiences can also help. Doing kind things for others can also make you more empathetic. Finally, seeing different places and different people can build empathy. That doesn’t mean you have to travel around the world. But if you’re always sticking to your own bubble, with people who are relatively similar to you, you could be missing out on opportunities to build empathy and connection. Volunteer at a local shelter, a care facility, or a nonprofit.

We have three different types of empathy: cognitive, emotional, and compassionate. Cognitive empathy is our ability to interpret how someone else might be feeling. To do this, we must understand that we all come from different backgrounds and have had a different set of circumstances. Yet we all have ways we can relate. For example, even though I don’t have children, I can comprehend that raising them is beautiful but complicated. Emotional empathy is your ability to empathize because you’ve had a similar experience as another person. For example, if my mom’s elderly dog passes away, I will understand how she feels because my beloved dog passed away a few years ago. Compassionate empathy involves both cognitive and emotional, and it drives you to act. Perhaps I would send my mom flowers, as others did for me when I faced such a loss.

Empathy is important, not only for your sake, but for future generations, including your children if you have them or plan to. Empathy is both innate and learned. So if you lack empathy, your children may too. And right now, and going forward, our world could use a whole lot of it—and a whole lot less of memes that shame younger generations. I encourage you to do the work of empathy-building. You won’t regret it.

I Can’t Believe I’m Not Dead: Escaping Abuse, a Cult, Attempted Murder and Other Insanities…A Story That Cannot Be True, But Is

Written by Admin on April 2, 2024. Posted in Mental Wellness, Relationships, Self-Love, Sexual Harassment, Trauma. 2 Comments on I Can’t Believe I’m Not Dead: Escaping Abuse, a Cult, Attempted Murder and Other Insanities…A Story That Cannot Be True, But Is

Written by Kendra Petty

I Can’t Believe I’m Not Dead. Seriously, I cannot believe it! I have escaped death on a number of occasions. It baffles me how many times I ended up in situations where I could have or should have died, and I didn’t. In addition to all the near-death experiences, I have lived a lifetime of so much other trauma and tragedy as well.

The absolute worst tragedy of my life happened when I was a child, when my brother, who was my best friend, died. He was ten and I was eight when he was killed in a tragic accident in front of me. He died protecting me and making sure I was safe. He died and I lived and for many years, I could not believe that he was dead, and that I was not.

That loss made my already mentally ill mother go even madder, it made my dad leave us, I developed survivors’ guilt and blamed myself for my brother’s death. Witnessing his violent death gave me horrible night terrors that have lasted a lifetime. His death also created an environment of blame that my mother took out on me for many years. She was extremely physically, emotionally and verbally abusive to me and I accepted the abuse as my punishment for my brother’s death.

My mother remarried, and she and her husband started a church in our home that morphed into an extreme religious cult, shutting us off from the real world for years and providing a haven for yet more abuse.

After high school I left Oklahoma, where I was born and raised and moved to NYC. I was determined to leave the crushing traumas behind me and build an amazing adult life for myself. I worked three jobs to put myself through college. I finished college and focused on building a career. I quickly climbed the corporate ladder. I had put my life on an incredible track far from the tragedy and chaos. I had a successful career, and I thought my life would be smooth sailing from then on. But it wasn’t. That cycle of trauma started all over again.

I married a woman who I had no idea was an addict — an extremely abusive addict. She broke my bones on multiple occasions. I have scars all over me from her abuse. There were times I thought I might die at her hands. All the while I continued to build my career and move up the ladder, hiding from everyone the hell I was living in at home.

Because my career was always my focus and because I gave it the utmost care, I thought I was safe at work – until I was not. Now this may seem unbelievable to you, but it is unfortunately very real and very true. I took the #2 position under the CEO at a firm. As the Executive Vice President I oversaw several of the companies this group owned. As it turns out, unbeknownst to me, I had joined an organized crime style firm involved in many illegal activities.

As their illegal activities started to reveal themselves to me, things started to really go sideways for me at work, getting very strange and scary. Then, my employer tried to kill me. They put poisons in my office, in my car and in my home, I was unknowingly inhaling the poisons, wearing them on my clothes and ingesting them. The poisons made me extremely sick and led to several diseases and illnesses that I have had to fight for many years. The experience of almost being killed scared me almost to death and led to me shutting down and living in solitude and extreme fear for years. I trusted no one and shut so many people out.

Then, five years ago I hit a wall, hard. Almost being murdered will do that to you. You know the saying, sick and tired of being sick and tired? Well, that was me! I was sick of being afraid, I was sick of the drama and trauma, and I was sick of being sick! I was done. I had to get to the bottom of why my life continued to be a cycle of tragedy and trauma, so that I could change it. I started reading, learning, and digging in to understand how I could heal myself and shift my life. I wanted to be happy, free of pain and drama. I decided I did deserve happiness and most of all I deserved peace.

Amongst the very long list of changes I made, here are just a couple of the things that I did to heal.

First, I started practicing gratitude on a whole new level. I had always been very grateful for my career and success and never ever took any of that for granted, but I really ramped it up and started focusing on gratitude daily for all things in my life.

Second, I started practicing openness and love, letting my walls down and letting people in, as hard as that was and still is to do, I continue to push myself to allow that in my life and in my heart.

Finally, and this is the most challenging for me, I started focusing on forgiveness. Forgiveness for all those who had harmed me. And there have been so many. I am not 100% there yet, it is work I do every day.

My message to you is if you are on a merry- go-round of trauma, heartbreak and loss, as I was, you can get off of it. You can heal. You can find peace and joy. You deserve to NOT just survive in this life, you deserve to THRIVE.

Because I have survived so much, I know just how lucky I am. I am lucky not just because I survived an insane mother, tremendous abuse, a cult, injuries, trauma, disease and sickness and attempted murder, I am lucky because I have learned how to THRIVE in spite of it all. If I can do it, you can too!

Kendra Petty is a woman who has succeeded in an all-male industry, becoming an executive vice president at two firms. Kendra is a dynamic public speaker, powerful negotiator and dealmaker. She loves bouldering and scrambling in the mountains of California, Nevada and Arizona. A boater for many years, Kendra also loves fast cars and traveling. “I Can’t Believe I’m Not Dead” is her debut memoir. For more about Kendra, visit kendrapettyofficial.com.