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April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month

April 2, 2024

Written By Kathryn Marsh, Prosecutor POV

Content Warning: This article contains references of sexual assault & abuse. Please continue reading with care.

Jane made it home. Her arms wrapped tightly around herself, just needing to hold herself together a little longer. Once she made it inside, she collapsed on the couch, in shock, in pain, in disbelief. What had just happened to her? Pictures from the night before kept flashing through her mind. What should she have done differently? Was it her fault? The images started going faster and faster through her mind and Jane just needed to feel clean. She ran to the shower and turned the water as hot as she could stand it. Jane climbed in but the heat didn’t really touch her. She started shaking and collapsed to the shower floor and started crying. Her roommate heard her and came in to check on her. Jane sobbed, “I think I was raped.”

The next couple of hours were just a blur. Jane googled what is rape? How do you know if you were raped? and What to do if you’re raped? The information swirled around, and Jane just couldn’t process what to do. Her roommate finally convinced her to go to the hospital for a sexual assault exam to at least make sure she was ok, medically.

Jane went to the hospital. At the Emergency Room, she tried to explain what had happened and why she was there. She broke down again. She was taken to another room, separate from the general waiting room, and told that a sexual assault nurse would be with her soon. They asked her if anyone was with her or if she wanted to call her family. Jane didn’t want anyone with her yet. She needed someone who knew more than she did to explain to her if what happened to her was actually sexual assault before she told her parents.

Some time later the nurse came into the room and explained the sexual assault examination. The nurse explained that first they would just talk and answer questions, then there would be a head to toe external body examination followed by an internal exam if necessary. The nurse explained that at each step of the examination, they would make sure Jane was ready and wanted to proceed before moving on to the next stage of the examination. Jane just nodded her head and said “ok.” The nurse asked a bunch of biographical questions – name, age, birthday, last menstrual cycle, last time she had consensual sex and more. Jane was able to answer all of the questions without a problem, until the nurse said “tell me what happened.” Jane froze. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to explain that the boy from her sophomore philosophy class that had seemed so smart and attentive had become someone else entirely. She didn’t know how to explain that although she had agreed to go back to his apartment, she didn’t think sex was going to happen. Just that they would hang out. Would the nurse even believe her? Would anyone? Why had she been so foolish? Why did she go back to his room? She should have known better. Jane started to panic.

The nurse took her hand and told her to focus on her – together they worked through several box breathing exercises until Jane calmed down. Jane explained “I went back to John’s room. We were sitting on the bed, watching a show and hanging out when he started kissing me. I kissed him back.” Jane remembered it had felt good. She really liked John. “John’s hands started moving under my shirt and then down my pants. I put my hand on top of his to stop his hand from moving farther but not necessarily to stop kissing him. He shook my hand off of his and started pulling my pants down. I tried grabbing the top of my pants to keep them up, but he was stronger. I remember telling him stop. He paused and looked at me like I was beneath him. “What do you mean stop? I know you like it, I know you want it.” I told him to stop again but he didn’t.” Jane paused, she remembered laying there looking up at him thinking this can’t be happening. “I tried to keep my legs together, but he was able to get between them anyway. I remember him going down on me and then I just kind of froze. I remember staring at the picture on his wall above his shoulder. I remember feeling him inside of me and just wanting it to be over.” Jane didn’t know how long the sex actually lasted. The only thing that had kept her together during that time was staring at the picture trying to distinguish brush strokes. “He finished and I laid there until he walked into the bathroom. Once the door closed, I got dressed and left.” The nurse then asked specific questions about the sexual acts that occurred; if John wore a condom, if he ejaculated, and licking, biting, etc.. The nurse asked if she had showered or gone to the bathroom. Jane felt like it had been wrong to take a shower, but she had just needed to wash his touch off of her. Jane then stood while the nurse took pictures of her body, again focusing on the wall to get through the exam. Jane hadn’t even known she had fingerprint bruises on her thighs until the nurse used a ruler and took pictures. After the visual exam and pictures were taken, the nurse had her lay down and started taking swabs everywhere Jane had indicated John had licked and kissed and lastly it was the internal examination where even more swabs were taken. Finally, after almost three hours, the examination was done. Jane was given medications and warned they may make her feel nauseous. She was provided a referral to follow up with her primary doctor. She was also given information on how to report to law enforcement.

Jane drove home. She talked to her roommate, and she called her parents. Her Dad wanted to call the police immediately, but Jane didn’t. Her Mom suggested she report the assault to her university under Title IX so she could at least make sure she didn’t have to see John in class anymore and she had access to services. Again, Jane hesitated. She had seen what had happened to other women who had made reports of sexual assault. She had seen doubt cross people’s faces when they heard about sexual assault complaints. She knew she herself had judged other women based on their reputation or what they wore. How could she have done that? She wanted to apologize to every woman she had judged harshly from the outside. Jane just wanted to feel like herself again. She wanted to feel safe in her own skin. She wanted to have never gone out with John. She wanted to never know what rape felt like. That’s what Jane wanted, but Jane’s wants had been taken from her last night in John’s room. Now she just had to decide what she could live with.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAHM). Rape is rarely the person in the woods, or the peeping Tom who breaks into a home. Sexual assault is most often committed by someone the victim knows, like John. On College campuses,

women experience two sexual assaults for every one robbery. Women between the ages of 18-24 are three times more likely to be sexually assaulted than women in other age groups. Among undergraduate students, 26.4% of women experience sexual assault via physical force, violence or incapacitation from alcohol or drugs. Only 20% of female students who experience sexual assault report to law enforcement. (All statistics came from RAINN)

This month, lets all work together to break the silence around sexual assault. Look for a “Take Back the Night” event near you or sponsor a “Take Back the Night” event. Share education and resources surrounding sexual assault on social media, or through a community event, and start with belief when someone shares their sexual assault with you.

If you or someone you know needs support – contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-656-4673; chat online at online.rainn.org; DOD Safe Helpline at 1-877-995-5247; Support Group Chat for Male survivors at supportgroup.1in6.org.