Reclaiming Joy: Crafting Meaningful Moments During the Holidays

Written by Tina Hamilton, Founder of Intuitive Solutions, Parenting POV

When my daughter was a toddler, her father and I separated. For a few years, we tried to keep up joint birthdays and holidays. It worked—until it didn’t.

In 2017, we decided it was time to celebrate separately, starting with Christmas. My daughter would spend Christmas Eve at her dad’s apartment, waking up there to see what Santa brought. I’d pick her up at noon on Christmas Day.

That Christmas Eve was horrible.

I spent the evening alone, surrounded by silence that felt too loud. Every thought ran through my mind on an endless loop: 

I’m ruining her life by not being there on Christmas morning. 

What kind of mother am I to not be with my child tonight? 

I should just cancel Christmas. 

I don’t think I slept.

What I didn’t realize at the time was how much this decision was triggering something deeper in me—something from my own childhood that I wasn’t even fully aware of. I was consumed by guilt, grief, and a feeling of missing out on something that I thought should be mine as a mother.

That night, and for much of the next day, I was a mess. I was convinced that my daughter would feel abandoned, that the holiday wouldn’t feel “right” for her, and that by not being there on Christmas morning, I was somehow destroying everything we had worked so hard to build.

Even as the years passed and I’ve learned that she is, in fact, happy, loved, and well cared for in both homes, it still hurts. It’s a deep ache that exists in the background of shared holidays, knowing I don’t get to be there for every moment. And sometimes, despite our deep connection, I still feel like I’m missing something with her.

I wish I could say I figured it all out that Christmas Eve, that I had some profound realization in the midst of the pain. But that didn’t happen. It took time—time to process the emotions, time to grieve what was lost, and time to realize that joy doesn’t always come in the form I expect it to.

With every holiday that has passed since that first Christmas Eve without my daughter, I’ve come to realize that holidays don’t have to look a certain way to be meaningful. They don’t have to be perfect to bring joy. And they don’t have to mirror anyone else’s vision of what a ‘real’ celebration should be. For so long, I thought that reclaiming joy during the holidays meant avoiding the pain, but I’ve discovered it’s about crafting traditions that honor both the beauty and the growth in our lives.

True joy comes from connection, presence, and authenticity.

So how do we reclaim the magic of this season, especially if it’s been clouded by grief, overwhelm, or old patterns? 

It starts with letting go of the script society gives us and leaning into what feels true for us now.

Let Go of the Script

Holidays are loaded with “shoulds.” You should go to every party, create picture-perfect decorations, cook elaborate meals, and keep every family tradition alive. But those expectations can feel heavy, especially if they no longer resonate with your life or values.

Reclaiming joy begins with giving yourself permission to rewrite the script. What traditions still bring you peace? What activities feel meaningful to you? And what obligations are you ready to release? Letting go of the pressure to meet external expectations allows you to create space for what truly matters.

Start Small: Rituals That Feel Aligned

You don’t need grand gestures to create meaningful moments. Simple, intentional rituals can ground you in the present and help you connect with what’s most important.

Here are a few ideas to consider:

🕯️Light a Candle with Intention: Take a moment to reflect on gratitude or set an intention for the season as you light a candle.

🎶Create a Holiday Playlist: Fill it with songs that lift your spirit, whether it’s old favorites or calming instrumentals.

✒️Write a Letter to Yourself: Reflect on the year—what you’ve learned, what you’re proud of, and what you want to carry forward.

🍪Bake Something Special: Turn a simple recipe into a ritual by savoring the process and enjoying it without rushing.

🌲Spend Time Outdoors: Whether it’s a walk in the crisp air or watching the snow fall, nature has a way of grounding us.

These small acts may seem ordinary, but they can anchor you in the present and bring a sense of calm to the season.

Focus on Connection, Not Perfection

Some of the most meaningful moments happen in the quiet, unplanned spaces of the holidays. It’s not about creating Instagram-worthy memories but finding authentic connections—whether it’s with loved ones, yourself, or the present moment.

This might mean letting go of tightly scheduled plans in favor of flexibility or choosing activities that invite connection over performance. A messy kitchen from baking cookies with your kids or a heartfelt conversation over a cup of tea can carry more meaning than a flawless family photo.

Create Space for Both Joy and Grief

The holidays can be a mix of emotions—joy, nostalgia, even grief. Acknowledging and holding space for the full spectrum of feelings can make the season feel more authentic.

Consider creating rituals to honor both the light and the shadows. This might include honoring your loved ones by lighting a candle or sharing a memory before a holiday dinner, setting aside time for reflection on the past year’s lessons, or allowing yourself quiet moments to step away from the noise to recharge.

These practices remind us that it’s okay for the holidays to be complex, that joy and grief can coexist.

Embrace Flexibility and Self-Compassion

No two holiday seasons are the same, and what you need one year might differ the next. Some years may call for rest, others for celebration. Trust yourself to adjust and honor where you are now.

Ask yourself, “What would bring me peace this season?” Whatever the answer, allow yourself to follow it without guilt or judgment.

Reclaiming joy during the holidays isn’t about erasing the challenges but about finding ways to stay present, honor your truth, and connect with what matters most.

If you’re looking for support during this season of growth and reflection, I invite you to join SoulCircle, my meditation membership. You’ll create space to ground yourself, stay present, and listen to the inner wisdom that guides you through even the most complex times. Discover how to make this season one of peace, connection, and meaningful joy.